Wednesday, April 15, 2015

List: Ten tips to help you make a difficult choice and live with it.

Whenever something goes wrong in my little world, I obsess over it.
Whenever it’s just a possibility that something can go wrong, I obsess over it.
I really can’t help it!!  I won’t be able to sleep at night or concentrate during the day.
I understand that it’s a waste of time to worry about something you can’t control.
I also understand that obsessing over something will not change it.
Just because I understand something, doesn’t mean that I can just turn my brain off!

That being said, I recently went through a very stressful situation.
I was given a few options and had to chose between the better of several evils.
With door #1, I could have appeased a close family member at the expense of my quality of life.
That meant less time with my daughter, longer work days, less income, and a lot of cheap take out!
With door #2, I could keep my quality of life but at the expense of a valued relationship.
That meant being a larger financial and physical supporter within my home.
Obviously, I went with door #2.

While this seems like a cut and dry decision, it took me weeks to get through it.
Luckily, I have a rocking counselor that helps me through these things!
Out of all the great advice she gave me, I was able to pick out the 10 best tips.

Ten Tips To Help You Live With A Difficult Decision

1.  Decipher which parts are in your control.
As much as I hate to admit this, not everything is within an individual’s control.
We need to learn to let those things be, accept them, and then move on.
I had to accept that my family member’s reaction was out of my control.

2.  Write a pros and cons list.
Make sure this list is detailed and honest and that you account for the worth of each argument.
As long as you didn’t force it to sway in a certain direction, be attentive to the outcome.
While the only con was the lost relationship, that point was worth at least half of my pros.

3.  Pick a non-negotiable.
Before considering your options, pick out one non-negotiable result.
This will help you eliminate the choices that will break your chosen rule.
For me, my non-negotiable was taking home less money.  I mean, we're already on a budget!

4.  Narrow down your choices.
The more choices you have to pick from, the harder it will be to decide.
Use your non-negotiable factor and your pros/cons list to narrow down your list of choices to two.
This part was easy for me since it was the last two options keeping me awake at night!

5.  Don’t ask multiple people for advice.
Asking for advice would seem like a great idea, but advice overload is confusing.
Choose only one person that can relate to your experience to give you guidance.
 I totally fail at this one.  Obsessing means asking anyone and everyone for their thoughts!

6.  Ignore bias parties.
People involved in the situation may try to sway you to make a decision in their favor.
Don’t allow anyone to bully you.  This includes anyone influenced by the biased party.
This was VERY difficult for me because I highly valued the opinions of everyone involved.

7.  Do what is best for you.
It’s nice to consider all the people that will be affected, but, always be your own priority.
People that really care about you will understand that it’s your life that you have to live.
I had realize that my family member wasn’t going to live through that quality of life for me.

8.  Consider the unexpected.
Sometimes a simple A and B decision, becomes an A, B, and C decision.
Don’t ignore a new and better opportunity simply because it wasn’t there before.
I allowed someone to let me think this was indecision.  Rest assured, my friends, that isn’t true!

9.  Prepare for the consequences of your decision.
The majority of the time we know the outcome of the choices we make.
As mentioned in #1, realize it’s out of your control, accept them, and then move on.
Preparing yourself for the probable consequences will help you sleep at night.

10.  Politely tell all the involved parties your decision.
Always make sure that you act in a way that you can be proud of in the end.
Make sure you are cordial, direct, and apologize if you feel the need to do so.
I apologized because I valued the relationship more than my pride, not because of regret.


How do you make a difficult decision?

23 comments:

  1. I really don't know how people get through life without a good therapist (and/or Xanax). You certainly gave a wealth of good advice. I trust my gut. It rarely fails this old gal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol if the dr would give them to me, I would totally take them!!

      Delete
  2. this is perfect! i am awful at making decisions (libra!!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Join the club!! Hopefully my counselors advice helped you too!

      Delete
  3. The cat wasn't the only one you asked? Geez, he feels so used lol have to do what is right for you and yours, if others can't see that, while then tough crap.

    I just do what needs to be done and then go back to having fun

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha poor cat is on the jax anxiety contact list. You give great and honest advice for a kitty. :)

      Delete
  4. You have me curious as to what the actual decision it was that you made. I have learned never to make a decision at your own expense to appease someone else. You just end up getting screwed when ya do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It had to do with a new job. It was difficult for me to decide which job I should take.

      Delete
  5. In my experience difficult decisions are best made with a certain push from the side :) It is very difficult making them if you're alone

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    Replies
    1. I agree. Everyone should have that one person that always give you great advice! It's when you get bias opinions or too many opinions that you can get confused.

      Delete
  6. Such great advice! Thanks for sharing!
    xo Southern Style

    ReplyDelete
  7. I usually make mine very quickly

    and badly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! Maybe you should print this out and tape it on your wall for future reference. :)

      Delete
  8. Jax, I swear, you are such a level-headed young lady and have such a sweet spirit ....I think....
    you are....becoming my new hero. :)
    I love that I know you are a great mother...will be a great wife to that sweetheart...your soul is too good not to be what they need.
    And...by the way...what's that drink you mentioned in your comment to me..? I need a nice drink recipe for Mon. night...something not toooo strong but strong enuf to be fun...I'm not good at that sort of thing so I usually just open up the wine bottles...:) Mia something??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much!! A hero? Wow, you are making me blush. :)

      Of course I can!! It's definately not strong. It's just really fruity and yummy. I sent you an e-mail, let me know if you didn't get it.

      Delete
  9. These are great tips! Writing a pro and con list is key for me in making tough decisions- you have to know all the factors!

    -Ashley
    Le Stylo Rouge

    ReplyDelete
  10. These are really awesome tips! I usually just ask my family (mom, dad, sister and husband) what they think since their opinions are really the only ones that truly matter to me - and make a list...lots of lists!! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

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  11. I totally get the pain of having to make hard choices... I make them every week when I play fantasy football (which is totally the same thing).

    ReplyDelete

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