Monday, January 5, 2015

List: Things Manly Men Shouldn't Do

My future husband is what the Cuban community call machismo.
He fits that description in almost every sense of the word.
Picture a growling Ricky Ricardo and you pretty much already met my man!  I kid, I kid…
Like every rule in the universe, there is always an exception.
I quickly learned his exception when my man got a call and his ringtone was “Roar” by Katy Perry.
That is not manly machismo.

For his benefit, I think it’s time to bring back the lovely Gerard Butler.
Remember this post when he originally tried to teach us the ways of manly men?
I mean, you don’t get much manlier than the roaring Gerard Butler!


Things Manly Men Should Not Do or Say
Show us the way, Gerard!

1.  Manly Men Don’t Moisturize.
You walk into your bedroom to find Mr. Butler rubbing cream in between his toes.
Seriously, Gerard?  Just get out…

2.  Manly Men Don’t Dab, They Wipe.
Gerard is eating dinner and he gets sauce on the side of his mouth so he gently dabs it off with a napkin.
Sorry, honey, but if you’re going to dab you are not allowed to use a napkin anymore.

3.  Manly Men Don’t Say “Yay”.
Our manly idol is sitting on a boat fishing, when he gets a bite.  He jumps up and exclaims “YAY”.
Just for your little outburst, Gerard, I hope that fish swims away to safety!

4.  Manly Men Don’t Say “Pathmark’s Perks Card”.
You’re buying dessert with Gerard, when he whips out a card and says “Use my Pathmark’s Perks Card”.
This may be one of the few times Mr. Butler will hear “Put it away”…

5.  Manly Men Don’t Use A Feather Duster
You sneak over to Gerard’s house to find him with a feather duster cleaning his trinkets.
I’m all for a man who cleans, but the feather duster has got to go…and so does the trinkets!

6.  Manly Men Don’t Watch Lifetime Movies
Mr. Butler is sitting on your couch with a box of tissues and a face full of tears while watching Lifetime.
First off, you best be wiping those tears.  Second, I couldn’t pay a manly man to watch Lifetime with me…

7.  Manly Men Don’t Sip, They Gulp.
You’re sitting next to Gerard at a bar and see him casually sipping his Jack and Coke.
If you don’t gulp that drink right now, I’ll order you a martini instead.  Sigh…

8.  Manly Men Don’t Shape Their Eye Brows.
Picture the perfect Gerard Butler with eye brows shaped like Beyonce.
I’m all for manscaping, but manly men should leave their eyebrow shape be!

9.  Manly Men Don’t Say “Mommy”.
“Who is that calling you, Gerard?”  “Oh, it’s my mommy!”
Mr. Butler please refer to her in the future as mom, ma, mother, or even madre.

10.  Manly Men Don’t Eat Half A Chocolate At A Time.
Gerard ate one of your chocolates by delicately biting it in half before popping the rest in his mouth.
As far as manly men are concerned, chocolate truffles are bite size…as in ONE bite.

What catches you off guard when you see/hear it from a macho man?

23 comments:

  1. lmao that is quite the ring tone. I don't even know what the heck a Pathmark's Perks card is, so I'm safe on that one. Always an exception though, as what if you are talking to a kid and say "go see mommy" said mommy. Oh the shame.

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    1. Hahaha I couldnt believe it when I heard it. The worst part is, he defended his ringtone!!!! Sigh...

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  2. OMG that is hilarious!! I think my husband moisturizes but only because he'd turn to dust in the winter if he didnt!! #9 is a DONT!! yikes lol! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

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    1. Lol I always cringe when I hear the mommmyyy

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  3. Men can cry while watching lifetime movies, I've seen them they're painfully terrible.

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    Replies
    1. We love lifetime movies because they always make us say "awww" at some point. :)

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  4. I think most of those are forgivable if the man owns it. For example, I've been found listening to some Brittany Spears music on my laptop. When the people involved started giving me crap about it, I replied "So? It's a good song." Their faces dropped and they sulked off. I think we know who the bigger man was there.

    However, eyebrow shaping will never, ever be manly.

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    Replies
    1. LOL Before I met my man, my coworkers would see him fixing the building that I worked in. They would all tell me how he was my type and I should go introduce myself and so on. A few days later, one coworker went outside and found him singing The Power Of Love by Celine Dion. He ran back inside to tell me NOT to introduce myself because singing that song isn't manly. LOL Obviously, I didn't listen to him. My coworker had a double fail because The Power of Love is going to be my wedding song. :)

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    2. Hahahaha good on you! Did you pick it specifically for that reason?

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  5. I saw a super tall, crazily buff guy in the mall the other day. He was decked in full biker gear. One look at him and I thought, "I would NOT want to piss him off". And then I realized he was carrying a half empty Starbucks iced coffee.

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    Replies
    1. hahahahaha You just made me legit LOL.

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  6. My father swears by number one. Also, he likes to say "real men don't eat quiche"

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    1. My grandfather says the same thing...this has to be a quote from somewhere that we don't know about, or just a really weird coincidence!! lol

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  7. haha, fair points!! This is funny. I dated a guy once who manicured his eyebrows secretly but because I was so used to him I didn't ever notice. He came into my office one time to drop something off and the second he left, my bosses were like "so, you like guys who wax their eyebrows?". I was like, no why? and they pointed out how they were perfect like a girl's. I confronted him that night with the question and it was disappointing to hear him say 'yes'. lol.

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    Replies
    1. LOL I'm all for men grooming themselves, but to actually shape their brows is way too much. hahaha

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  8. Lol. I like a macho man with feminine aspects. A bit of a cliche but that's what works for me :)

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    1. I don't like too many feminine aspects. Something that makes me hot? A light scruff and big, man hands. hahahaha

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  9. I like how all the years of the eyebrow debate, you now agree with me
    That men shoulnt wax/shape their eyebrows.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL Oh no, I still think they should groom them. No need for a uni-brow! But, they should deff NOT shape them.. hahahaha

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  10. they don't say YAY--lol you are so right.

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    Replies
    1. yayyyy!!! hahahaha Just picturing Gerard Butler doing that makes me giggle..haha

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