Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Dating: Insecurities


When you first start dating somebody it’s common to feel insecure.
I know I do.  Suddenly I hate my hair, want to lose a few pounds, and decide I need a new wardrobe!
I always thought that these insecurities were typically a girl thing with very few men in between.
Turns out I was wrong.

Newsflash Ladies:  Men are just as insecure as we are.
I’m not sure why I’m so happy about this, but this fact makes me feel a little better!

The problem with being insecure is, women are attracted to confident men.
When we are with a guy who exudes confidence it sort of rubs off on us.
I mean, if a man is really confident then he must be confident in his decision to take me out.  Right?  Right?!
After talking to a few of the men in my life, I came up with a list of ways for men to “fake” confidence.

10 Ways for a Man to Fake Confidence on a First Date

10.  Grooming
The best way to feel confident is to properly groom yourself.
If you’re looking good then you’ll feel just as good.
Get a fresh haircut, make sure your clothes are neat, and make sure that you’re smelling good!

9.  Agreeable
It’s nice when you share similar views with someone, but to agree with everything is near impossible.
If you are seconding everything that I say, I’m going to think that you don’t have a mind of your own.
It’s never bad to express your own opinion.  When it’s done in a friendly manner, no one can be insulted.

8.  Voice Volume
Mumbling can be taken as a sign of insecurity.  Yelling can also be viewed as insecure or overcompensating.
Keep the volume of your voice to a reasonable tone and talk in a way that you always do.
Unless you are Italian.  We can’t help but yell.  We don’t even know that we’re doing it!!

7.  Time
Keeping an eye on the clock or the door means that you want to leave.
You’re showing your date that you’re either insecure and ready to run or you’re not interested.
We’re out!  For the love of God, just enjoy it!!!

6.  Critical Thinking
Don’t sit there and pick apart every little thing.  Enjoy the moment and don’t worry about the flaws.
When you are picking apart your personality, a previous date, or even a conversation we are left questioning.
Most of the time these critical thinkers bring things to my attention that I would never think of!  Stop it!!

5.  Breathe
If you’re not sure that your breathe is fresh, then you’re going to be keeping your distance.
Keeping your distance could be misread for insecurities or lack of interest.
Men, brush those teeth and gargle with Listerine!!  Also, steer clear of stinky foods for the night, please!!

4.  Bully
Putting everyone around you down is a sign that you’re insecure of yourself.
Try and remain positive to reinforce positive thinking.
I mean, who wants to sit with a bully or a Debbie downer anyways?  Not Jax…

3.  Eye Contact
When a man can’t keep eye contact with me it’s never a good sign.
The fact that you’re talking to me and looking down either means you’re lying or that you’re intimidated.
Too insecure to look me in the eyes?  Fake it and stare at my eyebrows.  I’ll never know!!

2.  Grilling
Avoid asking your date a billion questions.  Nobody wants to be questioned like they are on trial for murder.
Keep the questions appropriate and to a minimum.  Too many questions are a key to insecurities.
I mean, do you really want to know how many men she’s dated anyways?  It’ll just feed it more!

1.  Be You
As cliché as this sounds, make sure that you are your normal self.
Pretending to be something else is unnatural.  We could tell and sniff that insecurity from a mile away!
Besides, acting different to impress a date is lying.  Don’t try to trick a woman into wanting to be with you.

How do you try and act confident on a date?

45 comments:

  1. I guess I really need to work on 3. I just can't look anyone in the eye. Even if it's myself in the mirror!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, eye contact is hard for me

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    2. Really? You can't look at yourself in the eyes in the mirror? Well maybe you should practice. It's important in both your personal life and especially in your professional life.

      @Adam...I can't believe it!!

      Delete
  2. It's been since the dinosaur age since I've dated, but I love to observe the behavior in others. I really get a kick out of watching one person fully engaged in the conversation while the other person clearly has no interest and is watching TV or watching people walk by or whatever else. That just cracks me up!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL Right? Like sit down and be quiet. Enjoy what's on telelvision and yap later. hahahaha They clearly have zero interest in what you are saying ;)

      Delete
  3. yep, keeping an eye on the clock or keeping arms crossed all the time is something that sends a really bad message!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right? Like, I get that it could mean the person is insecure or nervous, but it can also mean that they aren't interested. It's best to avoid that body language!! No bueno :(

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  4. By getting sex out of the way first thing, then both parties can relax and smoke in the dark afterwards. Funny thing is someone asked me if I smoked after sex and I said, "I don't know, I've never checked." ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, that's one method. Smoke in the dark? LOL Well, maybe you should check!!

      Delete
  5. Oh Jax you are so cute:)) I dont had dates many time but is true you say.Anyway I look at the eyes always with any I talk but I know someones dont like.I think a seriou person and good; dont be afraid look yours eyes only I say:)
    Use your intuition Jax is the best when I dont heard my intuition is a disaster.xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Gloria!! Right? I always look at the eyes too. The eyes and the mouth. It can tell so much about what a person is thinking. It's almost as good as reading their minds ;)

      I trust my intution. You should trust yours too :) I'm sure it's not a disaster!!

      Delete
    2. LOL I wanna say WHEN I dont heard my intuitiom Im a disaster!



      I look the lips too lol

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    3. Oh. lol See, I knew you had good intuition!! I mean, my intuition told me so ;) lol

      Yesss...I always look at lips and eyes!!

      Delete
  6. These are great. I love #8. It's been a long time since I've dated, so I have no advice to give. But I did really enjoy yours!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Missy!! Welcome to R&W :)

      Delete
  7. You are the master of the list! You should rename your blog "Lists R Us".

    I would find this list helpful if I were still dating. But I'm married and no longer have to adhere to these tips!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Master of the list? Ohh, I like that!! But it does seem to be a recurring theme :) I enjoy the organization of it, that's why! OCD? Yes, I have it.

      Delete
  8. Eye contact is a big one. And not continuously checking your phone either!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, Rooth!! Checking phone?? Oh, yes yes yes!

      Delete
  9. Hmm insecurities you say, I wonder where that started hahaha

    Yeah it the same with both people until they get in a groove, but faking anything is a dumb idea because the trust is gone when your date learns you've been lying since the start. Eye contact is good too, but too much and you could come off as a whacko too. haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you really wondering where it started?? Lol I'm going to nod a "yes" to you on that one. lol lol

      Faking something is a horrible idea. So many people feel the need to act a certain way. But, you can't act forever. It's basically tricking someone.

      Too much eye contact? Like a staring contest?? lol Yes, avoid that too!! hahahahaha

      Delete
  10. I agree - eye contact is a biggie! I can't stand when I'm talking to someone and they are looking at everyone else but me. It drives me crazy.

    And I love when a man smells good, but not when they smell like a whole bottle of cologne. Just a hint is enough for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right? I'm talking to you so look at me!!

      Smells good? Ohh, yes!! I like that too! I love a signature scent on a man too. Guys: Don't change up your cologne. I want to smell that and think of you!! :) :)

      Delete
    2. Yes, I know what you mean! I can smell a certain cologne and think of a certain guy!

      Delete
    3. Ohh, I really loovvveee that!!

      Delete
  11. I can honestly say that every man I've dated recently has been far more insecure than me, and it makes me really uncomfortable. I have a hard time with insecure people 'cause they tend to act out and treat other people badly. I would add to your list, "Listening." When a man can't stop talking and listen, I know there's something going on there that I don't like.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right? What's up with all these insecure men lately?? (Not that I'm one to talk, but I try!!! lol)

      Act out and treat people badly? Yes, I agree. Jealousy and similar situations all come from insecurities.

      Listening is a great!! Yes, they should be able to listen to everyword. Not only be able to, but want to.

      Delete
  12. that's been my problem, i've been a Debbie Downer all my life, or a Dan Downer at least. however, the funniest Saturday Night Live blooper i ever saw was the one with Debbie Downer and Lindsay Lohan, the crack-ups there are legendary, and strangely, it's Lindsay (no drugs that day?) who keeps it together mostly. check it out sometime...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ok, Dan Downer...STOP IT!! Turn that frown upside down :) :) (How obnoxiously optimistic am I? lol)

      Really??? lol Ok, I'm off to google that right now!!

      Delete
  13. I love secure, but hate cockiness. At least fake the confidence or something!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, cockiness is too much! I don't like that :(

      Delete
  14. Eye contact and only focusing on each other are two big things. If I can't be looked at in the eye, I assume that I look funny or something. And if I'm not the one he's paying attention to, I'm going to assume I'm too boring. haha And that's not just with dates, that includes hanging out with a friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, Rachel!! If I'm focusing on you, you should be focusing on me too. If it's not a mutual feeling, then don't waste my time ;)

      Delete
  15. Just reading this makes me so happy that I will never have to date again. Don't get me wrong, I loved going out but the things that can go wrong...oh boy!! I do not miss those! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL You don't know how lucky you are, Kristen!! The dating world is rough, but it's been a fun ride!!

      Delete
  16. I was just talking about this on my blog but as usually you got right to the heart of the issue. If I ever leave the cave I will remember your sage advice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really? I'm going to have to head over there and join the discussion :)

      Delete
  17. Number 4 is a good one. A big turn on for me is a guy that treats everyone around him well. Be polite to the waitress and leave her a nice tip and I'm intrigued. Act like a jerk and I can see how you'll be treating me soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree!! I always look how men treat their family. It's a great insight in how they will treat others. Great point :) :)

      Delete
  18. It's been 25 years since I've been on a date and the thing I remember most is my being nervous. It's tough to navigate your way through the dating world and you're right confidence is the key thing. Without it you don't always get that second date.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, that's one thing that never changes!! The weird thing is though, I get nervous before and after the date. Very rarely do I get nervous during it. I wonder if other's find the same experience...

      You're right. Confidence is key. If you don't believe you're a catch, then no one else will.

      Delete
  19. What? Girls don't like to be corrected when their opinions are wrong? How else can I show them without a barrage of strategic questions designed to questions everything they believe in? How else will I make them worship me on the altar that I deserve? :p Just kidding. I promise I am not an ass hole

    I am terrible on dates, I get too nervous, then I over compensate, and it becomes a mess and unrecoverable. It is easier to meet people in a group scenario, surrounded by people you both know who have your back and you naturally become yourself. Then as you have met the real self before the date, it just becomes way easier.

    Good tips though. Scruffiness may be cute when you are at uni or collage, but that time has past for many of us.

    Number 9 is important, without friction there can be no spark ;)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Jax, your blog is becoming a Bible for me in regards to these types of topics. Reading this article has made me aware of many things that I am doing wrong that are causing me to repel the opposite sex. Some things I'm doing right. I am not doing everything wrong.. But a few things you pointed out, kind of hit home, I must say. Like the eye contact thing. No girl is gonna be into a guy who is too wimpy to even make eye contact with her. And I think, perhaps I am too agreeable. If I don't agree with what someone is saying usually I will pick out something they said, that I actually do agree with, and only comment on that..to not make waves. But maybe that is just making me look like a wuss too..and I should not agree with everything, but do it in a nice way...as you recommend.

    I once came up with a plan.. I thought I would rent James Bond movies, and work on perfecting all of his mannerisms, and attitudes, so that I would seem to have super self confidence and impress the chicks. But that is too much work! I think I will just read your blog and get tips from you instead!

    ReplyDelete

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