Yesterday I told you guys how Tab indirectly challenged me to become a “Hipster”.
I mean, how do you label a girl “trendy” without expecting her to lash back?
I did the most “un-hipster” thing I could do to prove Tab wrong.
I researched “How to become a Hipster”, stapled my new “guide”, and highlighted the key points.
Talk about what a trendy person would do! Sigh…
After all my research and color coordinated highlighting, I realized one thing.
Tab was totally right and I could never, ever become a Hipster.
Hipsters may be unique and trendy, but they are exhausting.
I got tired just reading the rules for joining this social group!
Here are 10 reasons why Jax could not become a Hipster.
Hipsters get their apparel from places like vintage stores, their grandmother’s closets, and independent retailers.
They also like to rock over-sized, plastic glasses to complete the unique look.
Their clothes are typically layered and not matching.
Ok, the fashion thing I could do. Well, minus the clothes that don’t match. I mean, why wouldn’t you match?
Hipsters need to develop a whole new way of talking.
They use different sayings such as “totally deck”, “don’t be a daisy”, and “I liked them before they were famous”.
I blab way too much to change my lingo now. I talk exactly how I write in this blog!
Hipsters are supposed to have a sarcastic, mellow personality. They are also known to drop names.
A hipster also has to be able to tone down their humor and giggles.
Ok, I could try as hard as I want, but I’ll never have a mellow personality. No giggles either? Not happening…
4. Hair & Nails
Hair or Nail salons do not exist in the world of Hipsters. They don’t believe in getting your hair or nails did.
Just to be clear, that means no hair appointment every 6 weeks. That also means no UV gel mani/pedi!
Jax does not miss her hair or nail appointments. That may be a trendy thing to do, but I really don’t care!!
5. Independent Music & Art
Hipsters only indulge in independent music and art. They only enjoy things that aren’t mainstream.
They could be a fan of a band one day, and hate them the next simply because the band got some hype.
They also make insulting popular artists a habit.
Where’s the fan loyalty? When I love an artist it’s usually for life! I’m also not too good at insulting people!
The only magazines these people read are the ones meant for their community.
No Glamour magazine was the defining factor in my decision. I mean, a life without Glamour? Why?!
Hipsters tend to only date other hipsters. They like to stay within their non-mainstream clique.
Just to be clear, that means no sexy professionals on the dating menu. Don’t even look at the doctors or lawyers!
As if finding a decent guy isn’t hard enough, let’s eliminate the majority of the population. Lovely…
On top of the crazy lingo that these people made up, they also use words that they know nobody will understand.
They’ll go into the dictionary and look up random words to incorporate into their everyday vocab.
At least this enhances their intelligence, but why? Why would you want to waste time talking if no one can understand you?
Growing your own food and adopting a vegan lifestyle is a key point of becoming a hipster.
If growing your food is impossible, stick to stores like Whole Foods that sell organic, well-seasoned varieties.
Hipsters are also famous for cooking their own gourmet meals based on what food is “hip” at the moment.
I get having “hip” clothes, listening to “hip” music, or even just being “hip”. But, “hip” food? No…
10. Deny Everything
The most important thing about being a hipster, is to deny that you are one.
On top of denying that you are a hipster, you need to make fun of other hipsters for being a hipster.
Let me get this straight. They go through all this trouble to be a hipster and they can’t even label themselves as one.
That’s just insane.
I will submit to me being “trendy”, congratulate Tab for winning, and continue to admire the hipsters from afar.
Want to make bets that Tab rolls his eyes after finding out all the work I put into this?
Could you ever become a Hipster?
I mean, don’t be a daisy because it’s totally deck!