Monday, May 7, 2012

ReadersQuestion: Dating & Hospital Visits

So, who watched The Avengers this weekend???
It was excellent.  The movie completely lived up to all the crazy hype surrounding it!
The characters meshed together so well.  The action was insane.
...and all the actors/actresses were smoking hot...
I'm dying to know what you all thought!

**************************************************

I received a question from a reader who wishes to hear all your opinions and words of wisdom.
Here's the question because I know you're all itching to say your piece!

I have been dating a girl for a few weeks.  She has a genetic heart problem.  She was recently hospitalized for a minor corrective surgery.  When I asked her for the name of the hospital performing the procedure, she quickly stated that she did not want any visitors.  Even after promising not to visit she still would not indulge any information.  Without the name of the hospital, I can not send her flowers or chocolate!  Is this normal?  What should I do?

The first thing you need to consider is the very short amount of time that you have been dating.
The second thing you need to consider is the reason why she's holding this information from you.
Don't worry, I'll enlighten you.  Luckily, I have been in a similar situation!

As a woman, we always want to look our best for you, especially in the beginning.   We also fear looking vulnerable or weak to a man for fear of being eaten alive by some jerk.
Hospital gowns and unwashed hair does not equal sexy.

We totally get and appreciate that you want to be there for us in our time of need, but sometimes our pride comes first.  This may seem silly or even more insecure, but you also need to remember that you just started dating.  The whole "trust factor" is just starting to bloom.  Allowing someone to see you in your most vulnerable state is a huge leap of faith.

Two years ago I underwent spinal surgery.
You can read about that here.
Point being, at the time I was mortified.  I didn't allow extended family members or close friends to even know where I was staying.  I wanted to focus on being well and not have to worry about being embarrassed of my horrible condition.

I say let her be.  Support her from a distance and bring her a huge bouquet of flowers when she gets home.

What advice would give my reader?

60 comments:

  1. Hey there! i agree with you Jax... i´m sure the girl doesn´t want to create a memory together of her smelling like laboratory and looking like a mess under that horrible hospital energy-saving white light! (that´s the worst light ever!)
    i think its very sweet that he´d wanna be supportive and caring, but i´d wait until she get´s home and bring her a card, some flowers and chocolate too! there´s no way she won´t feel better (and maybe fall in love) with him after that.

    XO!
    JAnnine
    http://fashionistarg.blogspot.it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's true! No lady wants to be seen like that especially by a guy that she's interested in. Too funny, but sooo true about the hospital lighting!!

      Delete
    2. OMG i hate it!
      i´m working on a list a-la-Jax for a near future post! you´ll be so proud of me! or at least i hope! LOL
      hope you´re having a great monday!

      Delete
    3. Ohh, I am proud!!! Love the organization of lists ;) I can't wait to read it girl!!

      Hope you're having the same :)

      Delete
  2. Avengers movie - you know I didnt like it :)

    And about suggestion, perfect. I did the same too. But after marriage you wont have all that, you will long for someone to visit you and talk to you.
    Ugly truth :(
    Sorry to hear about spinal surgery though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not sure how you didn't like it. I'm still in shock!!!!

      Yes, I think b/c it's so soon in the relationship there is still the uncomfortable feeling there. With time that fades and you have zero shame. lol

      Delete
  3. Look at you becoming an advice column..lol...and you aced it perfectly.

    That is exactly why she doesn't want to see him. Which is also all the more reason to hold on to her because she has to like him enough to want to stay looking her best for him, thus not wanting him to see her. Perfect advice.

    And yeah you already know what I thought of the Avengers, nothing like what that cap woman said, she must be thinking way to much...haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha. Movie lacked couple of shirtless scenes of Chris Hemsworth. Maybe that's why?!

      Delete
    2. @Cap...I'm with you on the not enough man abs running around ;) Hemsworth needed to take a shower eventually, right?! hahahaha

      @Pat... LMAO They asked, so I had to answer. Besides, I like answering questions. Let's me blab a little more than usual. hahahaha

      That cap woman has zero clue about a good movie. hahahahaha

      Delete
    3. I think I can over look the lack of shirtless parts in the movie pretty easy, unless Scarlett watch to do it too, I wouldn't be opposed to that.

      hahahaha you need more to blabber about? Pfft never.

      Delete
    4. LOL Scarlett was smoking hot in this movie!!!! Hahahaha...fine...even exchange!! LOL

      Hey now!! Sometimes I'm quiet. LOL!!!

      Delete
  4. I think that's a good suggestion regarding the girl as well, especially given how old the relationship is

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it's a brand new relationship. He needs to wait it out and support from a distance. Thanks for your input!! :)

      Delete
  5. I have a heart condition. Pre-mature ventrical contractions. No surgery as of yet. Maybe when I get older.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry to hear that! I hope all goes well.

      Delete
  6. OK, you cemented my thoughts that you should quit your day job, start writing your book on relationship advice and now start pounding the pavement for a regular newspaper column girl!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL That would be so nice. But, for now, I have to pay my rent! I'll certainly do some research though :)

      Delete
  7. Esperanza and Gerardo went to see the movie and they loved it!
    I hope to see in nex time or week:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, you're going to love it!! It was near perfection :)

      Delete
  8. I'd give him the address of my own hospital if he would come to cherish me with chocolates and attention :)))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, Dez!! That's b/c you don't have very much (if any) hair to worry about ;) hahahaha

      Delete
  9. I think that giving space is important when you're just starting out. When they're more serious, when someone is there for you, it really means a lot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally agree!! Thanks for sharing :)

      Delete
  10. awww dear you're now starting to be an expert with relationship... see you should do this more often :)

    anyway i completely agree with you. often, women didnt want to show their weakness also maybe the girl just want to have some time for herself. just wait :)

    xoxo,M

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL An expert? I wouldn't say that... hahaha I would do it more often if people sent more questions :) lol Thanks for the compliments!!

      Delete
  11. "I'm not sure how you didn't like it. I'm still in shock!!!!"

    => Inception, right back at ya :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh please!!! How could you ever compare the hot mess of Inception to the master piece of The Avengers??? ;)

      Delete
  12. haha I saw the avengers this week... holy thor is a HOTTIE hahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ohh, holy Thor is RIGHT!!! :)

      Delete
  13. I would say the same thing you did Jax. Give her the privacy she needs to take care of herself without the stress of caring about what she looks like. I hope she comes out of the surgery okay btw.

    I want to see that movie so bad, but we're waiting for the DVD release because the Hubby can't sit upright for long enough to see it at a cinema. Our daughter will probably go before then as Hiddleston is calling to her with a sirens song.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you agree Anne! I hope she does well with the surgery too. I'm sending her good vibes :)

      Hopefully it will release on DVD real soon! Then you have to let us know how much you loved it! Meanwhile, just keep Thor on repeat ;) hahaha

      Delete
  14. Hey Jax! Your answer was EXCELLENT. That is so true. I hope things work out between them.
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kim! I hope so too.

      P.S. Glad you're back!

      Delete
  15. I think you are right on with this one Jax. Each of us is different about health issues and so, dating or not, we should respect the wishes of the person. Which has not always been easy for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For some reason men have a harder time letting others be in times of need then women. I find that odd!!! lol Thanks for your input :) I totally agree with you!

      Delete
  16. I'm with you. Perfect advice

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yep, your advice was spot on. He can take care of her once she is home and if she needs some R&R he can be there for her then. MaMTC was right...once a couple gets married - all that gets thrown out the window - we don't care what we look like as long as our loved one is sitting beside us to help us pass the time and hold our hand.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I can see that happening as the relationship gets more involved. But, for now, he should let her be. She's got enough to worry about without having to fret about her hair being a hot mess ;)

      R&R? I got to look that one up!

      Delete
  18. i have heard nothing but good things about the avengers. can't wait! and i agree. spot on advice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, go see it!!!! You won't regret it :)

      Delete
  19. I won't be able to see it till friday

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I'm going again Friday! Let me know what you think :)

      Delete
  20. I think your advice in this matter was perfect! (It reminds me of an episode of Doogie Howser where he does surgery on his girlfriend and she is all offended and embarrest that he saw he in that situation.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL Doogie Howser? What's that... Either way, glad that you agree!! :)

      Delete
  21. I have to wait until the crowds die down. Crowded theaters and I do not get along.

    He needs to give the girl her space. If she requested no visitors and doesn't want people to know where she is, that's her choice and it should be respected.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear you on the crowded theaters, but nothing was keeping me from seeing it! :)

      I agree with you. The woman is sick and her wishes need to be respected.

      Delete
  22. Well, it's pretty hard to get inside the girl's head. If I was in the hospital I am 99% sure none of my "friends" would come and visit me, and that would make me angry..probably I would be so upset I would die. I really don't know where this girl is coming from. Perhaps the best solution is to send a gift for her to her immediate family, and then they will pass the gift onto her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's different for me because they have less shame with these things. Women get real insecure and vulnerable. I like your suggestion of sending a gift to her family :)

      Delete
  23. I'm clueless when it comes to women but what you said sounds good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL That's ok, Matt! Thanks for sticking by me anyways ;) hahaha

      Delete
  24. you answered perfectly, seriously. Since you are so in the beginning stages, you really don't know hwo to broach the subject. With that said, take what she says at face value and respect her wishes. Furthermore, definitely have flowers and anything else sentimental or fun waiting for her when she gets back. You can't handle it better than that!! Nice call Jax, and so glad you liked the Avengers! I didn't go see it so I can't add my two cents :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, let me know when you see it!! It was great!!!

      Glad that I gave good advice :) I totally agree that he should shower her with goodies when she gets back! That way he can support her, but from her desired distance.

      Delete
  25. I liked your answer, but I think she should have been more direct with him and let him know that they would still be an item after this. I've seen people left without explanations that would have taken care of their worries. I hope you're having a great day, Jax!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hm, interesting point. I'm not sure if they are an item. He simply said that they were dating for a few weeks. If they are in fact an item, I'm sure it was mentioned. If not, it should be. Either way, he should respect her decision. Thanks for your input and giving us a different view!

      Hope you having a great day as well :)

      Delete
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