Thursday, February 9, 2012

Pass Or Fail!

So last Friday I got invited to a boys night out.  No, I'm not really a boy!!!  I'm just one of the whopping two whole "younger" females at the company I work for.  The guys from work were all going out for a few drinks and they invited me to join.  Skipping the part where I got lost on the way there because I followed the wrong car to the restaurant, let me share all the juice.  Well, not all the juice.  Turns out there's a boy code, and I had to swear to it!!

Attention All Ladies!!
I'm about to blow your mind!
Us females are NOT the master manipulators that men lead us to believe.
Men are the ones that ask us out, test us with some sneaky quizzes, and then don't call back if we fail.

Allow me to explain.  I sat there at a high top table sipping a Bahama Mama amongst 6 tall glasses of beer.  We joked and laughed like we were sitting at the lunch room table.  I got hit on by the waiter, and they all acted like mean older brothers and grilled the crap out of the poor guy!  Truth is, this is a great group of boys and as out of place as I should've felt, I really belonged.

That's when they introduced me to the boy code.  The rules were short and simple.  Basically everything said "amongst the boys" is kept there.  Ok, locked in the vault it goes!  Inside jokes are made out of every silly little thing said.  Laugh at the inside jokes in public, but don't let anyone else in on them.  Got it!  And no matter what, everyone has each other's backs.  Fight to the death?  Check!

That's when I learned about the dating tips and juicy secrets that men hide from us women.  I learned how they play us and then twist the situation so WE go running back to THEM.  I learned even the men that respect women won't end a relationship until they have a new girl on the back burner.  I learned some real dirty dirt, but that would be against the boy code to share it with you.  No worries ladies, I didn't forget my girl code.  

I am here to warn women everywhere that we are being tested.  All the time!

The Food Test:

If Man #1 puts food on his fork and asks you to take a bite, you better feed!!
He won't call you back if you even hesitate before you munch.
I personally think this means he's a control freak, but who am I to judge?

The Bag Of Chips:

If Man #2 is driving you somewhere and asks you to pass him a bag of chips he sneakily put in the car the night before, you better open that bag for him before you pass it over.
If you hand him a closed bag, you're a done deal.
I personally think this guy put way too much thought into this, but I get it.  The date who doesn't open the bag is inconsiderate.

The Wallet:

If Man #3 gets you to ask him to hang out, you better offer to pay.
If you don't, you won't hear from him again.
He's not looking for no gold diggers!!!!!

The Waste:

If Man #4 takes you out to eat, you better finish every last drop on your plate.
If you don't, he's going to lose your number quicker than green grass goes through a goose.
What?!?!?!  We're little!!  How much do you want us to eat??  Let's compromise!  Can we wrap it up and take the rest home...

You're welcome ladies.  Normally I wouldn't go against the guy code, but I felt that you needed to know!  Watch out for these tests, pass them, and show those boys how good we really are!!!!

What sneaky tests do you give your dates??

-Jax

40 comments:

  1. So basically you broke your word? Men let you in on the code and you broke it. I hope they don't find out!

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  2. Some of those are a little bit.....much. Like the last one. What does finishing all your food have to do with a compatible date?

    Ugh. I'm glad I'm not single. GUY CODES MY BUM!

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  4. LOL you're a blabber mouth. I'm not telling you any of my secrets..hahaha

    Although I have used the wallet one, but once they offer I pay anyway. Unless I find them to be a nut and want to leave, then screw that. Plus I have no gold to dig, so I'm safe.

    As far as the rest haven't used them like that or don't care about them, which ones I'm not telling. BLABBER MOUTH!

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  5. @B...It means that he's cheap!!!! lol

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  6. @Pat...I'm so NOT blabber mouth!!! Everything is anonymous and these were up for discussion. I didn't disclose any of the REAL dirt. hahaha And trust me, it was juicccyyy!!

    They invited me again for Friday. I'm taking all mental notes ;) Plus, I have to think of my girls before your silly man code! Sigh...

    Tell! Tell! Tell!! We're all friends here. Share with the class :)

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  7. I don't need to test people, but I do like when a man opens my car door when we're going somewhere, before he gets in the car.

    I would fail the eating all my food test. Portions at restaurants are way too large. I always either have food to go, or have to skip the salad or appetizer. I like salad.

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  8. I laugh when you said you got lost on the way to the bar, that is totally something I would do. Second the tests are a bit much to me. I don't have tests when it comes to dating a guy. I just want him to open up the door and be a gentleman.

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  9. Girl, you are too funny! I couldn't wait to read through each one. HAHAHA I love the part where they were grilling the waiter. Poor guy! Glad you had a great time. Jax, I've given you an award. I thoroughly look forward to reading your posts everyday. You are such a joy! Congrats and Hugs!

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  10. Hmm... I don't really believe in sneaky little tests like this. But they are interesting I guess.

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  11. @Kim...heading over there now! Can't wait to see!! :) And yes, poor waiter...

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  12. Nope my lips remain shut even if I am in a rut at the moment..lol...and you so are a blabber mouth, maybe not a big one, but a little one, which I guess makes sense..hahaha But I guess you have to protect your girlies and you have told their secrets too, so the manverse can forgive you..lol

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  13. :( Maybe I am a little bit of a blabber mouth...but you have to tell your secretss!! If I had "tests" I would sooo tell you what they were!!!

    I'm glad the manverse can forgive me. I was getting nervous... But the Womanverse does not forgive you for using the word "Girlies". Sigh...

    LOL!

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  14. nice post.. i tagged you in my challenge http://popgunreview.blogspot.com/2012/02/okay.html

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  15. Too funny! Sounds like you had a great night with the boys. :)

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  16. What a funny post!
    I enjoy your blog so much :D
    Now i´m your new follower.
    Love your blog,
    I invite you to visit my blog, it has a google traslator, so you can read without problems :D
    xoxoxo ^^
    http://janakitchen.blogspot.com

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  17. What? Using Girlie makes women squirrelly?..and you already blabbered all of yours in lists galore, or at least enough that one could guess. All a guy has to do is stick his hand in the vending machine for you and it's a win! LOL

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  18. LMAO!! It's not that simple to win me over!! Many people have helped me out w/ the vending machine phobia, but it wasn't enough. Honest!!!!

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  19. My husband STILL does the bag of chips thing and we're married! When will the tests stop :0) *still smiling*

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  20. The only test for my dates is the test of fate. If they make it through the first one, they're a keeper.

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  21. Feminist propaganda and nothing more

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  22. YOU BROKE THE MAN CODE!!!!!!

    A THOUSAND CURSES UPON YOUUUU!!!

    Jk but yeah, personally, with even of the worst guys I know, I have never heard of any of these. And if any one uses these to test potential dates etc then lol..your doing it wrong.

    Lol at the guy above "Feminist propaganda" lolwut

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  23. @Dreadnaught...Your comment has me CRACKING up. I don't get the feminist propaganda nonsense either!! But ok, he's entitled to his opinion.

    ohhh so, they're doing it wrong??? How should they be doing it? Tell!! Us ladies want to hear :)

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  24. haha it is interesting to hear how this works from the girls perspective, you've got that right about secret pass or fail tests :b
    you've obviously got spies deep in the boys side to know all of this secret info

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  25. lol my face when girls think they're the only ones to have tests or ask sneaky questions XD

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  26. Very interesting. I had no clue, but, luckily, none of those things have ever happened.

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  27. Hahaha... never knew about these tests but then again I don't go out on dates often.

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  28. Oh what? So it's not just vending machines. You want the guy to put their life on the line and protect you from a flock of pigeons? That's just too much..LOL

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  29. A bag o' chips??? Really? I'd actually be scared of someone who put that much thought / planning into deciding if I was a good match WITH A BAG OF CHIPS!

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  30. Interesting. And weird. Boys are weird.
    And I think it's totally hilarious that you followed the wrong car!! :-)

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  31. Men are so silly, yet we chase after them. It's pheromones I'm tellin' ya!!

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  32. Thank the lord I'm married. I don't do well in these situations. I do however, dig hanging out with guys. Less drama in general unless a chick doesn't open his bag of chips apparently. Hahaha!

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  33. I love this. You always cheer me up! I had no idea about boy’s codes. But I guess I nearly messed up on a date once. The boy code must have been at work!! We met at the train station and had to take the tram to our destination. I walked ahead of him, paid for my ticket and went to sit down. He then paid for his ticket and sat down. He was quiet for the whole journey.

    I found out later that he was sulking because I didn’t pay for his tram ticket. Well, what can I say? LOL.

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  34. bahaha! love these tests! i just analyze their handwriting! works everytime

    ReplyDelete

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