Monday, January 30, 2012

I say, I say, I say!

Happy Monday!!!  I know that everyone hates Mondays, but I personally love them.  I'm all rested from the weekend and ready to start a whole new week.  It's when Wednesday or Thursday comes around that I'll be dragging my feet.  Thank God for Revenge, VD, and TSC!!! 

anddd onto today's post... There are certain things you should never say in professional company. Being the chatterbox that I am, my manager relies on me to break the ice during awkward business luncheons, meetings, etc.  Apparently, my "discussions" are humorous and animated enough to brighten any work event.  Hey, I didn't get the nickname Little Ms. Fun for no reason ;)  Plus, I hate awkward silences. 

While I'm normally good at this whole entertaining thing talking about TV shows, travel, and who knows what else, sometimes I slip up.  The pressure of entertaining large groups of professional, Japanese men can be VERY intimidating.  Yes, even for me!  So the next time you're in this situation, make sure to stay far away from these conversation starters...

1.  Humanzee.  Two weeks ago during a luncheon, I found 10 coworkers sitting at a table in very awkward silence.  I reached and grabbed at every corner of my brain for something to talk about.  All that came out was "Did you ever hear about Humanzee?"  Even I surprised myself at what came out of my mouth.  Sigh...Lucky for me they didn't and we got a 15 minutes convo out of it!

2.  Milk.  Going on a rant about how discusting you find milk is never a good idea either.  The look on everyone's face when I started the whole "Humans are the only spieces that goes out of their way to drink another mammal's milk.  You don't see a goat sucking on a cow utter."  Their faces were priceless!

3.  Leprosy.  As you all now know, I'm a hypocondriac.  I recently read an article about controlled diseases and their symptons.  During a meeting I exclaimed "I think I have leprosy"Well, my toe really was numb!!!!!!

4.  Leaf.  When I worked for the washer company (You know, the little round things with a hole in the middle...), I had to call in late.  When my manager asked me why I blurted out "I tripped on a leaf". Ok, so maybe I just slipped on it, but either way I went down and scuffed my pants!  I never lived that one down...

5.  Serial Killer Plan.  I have a very active, wild imagination.  Pair that with a fear of serial killers and you get all sorts of crazy.  Every place I work I make a plan of what to do if a serial killer walks through the doors.  For the love of God, whatever you do, DON'T tell people about this.  For those of you who are curious, I would dive in RussianHatMan's cubicle and hide while he wards off the intruder with his Avatar figurines that are conveniently accessible at the top of his cubicle.

6.  Hawk.  Don't walk into the office all flustered screaming that a hawk just attacked you.  They will call the building's security, and you will have to submit a report.  Listen, that hawk was sitting there all perched like he was going to scoop me up, fly away, and then eat me for breakfast!!!!!  To make matter worse, a co-worker witnessed me go into a full fledged sprint into the front doors while screaming help.  Sigh...

What are you work talking flubs?

-Jax

29 comments:

  1. i love that milk became a topic of conversation!

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  2. Umm hawks are TERRIFYING. I don't blame you. Once my boss was attacked by a rooster and it slashed his face. Another bird I'm never going near if I can help it.

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  3. Leprosy! Oh, my dearest Jax. I'm pretty sure you have to have sex to get that, right? It's kinda like cooties, yeah?

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  4. The serial killer plan made me laugh so hard, especially considering what my post was about today.

    What you do to avoid a serial killer is NEVER, EVER let anybody walk behind you. Ever. I'm paranoid as hell after watching Cold Case Files of someone walking behind me and covering my mouth, so I let the people behind me always go first. You need to be able to see the person to punch them, amirite?

    Great post today. You're so much fun. I kinda wish I knew you IRL.

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  5. @B...aww There are a few bloggers (u included!) that I would LOVE to meet in real life. We should have a blogger meet up. hahaha That would be sooo much fun!!!

    Maybe I'll post a V-Log one day so you can put a person to my words. I love when other bloggers do it. We'll see :)

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  6. Wait, so did you really get attacked by a hawk at some point?

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  7. LOL and you were worried about people thinking you're crazy?..hahaha

    If you ever get the chance watch Mr. Monk and the Leper, although it may only heighten your fears..lol...I agree with the milk thing, nasty in every way. Humanzee, well after the Tarsier I guess it can be considered a running theme. I have a plan if a psycho with a gun comes, never really thought of them as a serial killer, just a nutjob. And a hawk? Really?..lol...well I suppose with your size you may look like prey.

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  8. @Mike...No,but it looked at me like it was going to...

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  9. @Pat...LOL!! What are you trying to say??? That I'm crazy???

    I will not watch the Monk and Leper b/c I might be having a whole leg fall off this time instead of just a toe.

    And love that you have a plan for a serial killer!! You HAVE to be prepared. I live 10 min away from Gilgo beach!! (Do you know the Giglo Beach Serial Killer??? He STILL hasn't been caught and I'm perfect prey. You need to google it.)

    What do you mean "Hawk? Really?"??? They are scary!!!! I'd like to see what you would do with a hawk staring at you. Sigh...

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  10. I finally stopped drinking cow's milk. I still eat cheese, but the drinking milk thing I just couldn't take anymore.

    I flub at work constantly, but I am so used to the, "Is that woman insane?" looks that I don't even care. I just laugh it off.

    But I have learned, if the big boss's secretary (the big boss here is an elected official with a security detail) is in a bad mood, so you play Neutron Dance on your iPhone and proceed to 80s dance to cheer her up, the big boss might walk in. Luckily, he just laughed and told me to keep going when I froze in place as I saw him enter the room. My immediate boss was not as amused.

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  11. Lol, I will have to remember never to mention milk in any professional setting--unless I'm selling some milk based product of course (which is highly unlikely) :-)

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  12. Me say such a thing? Never...haha

    Never knew about that serial killer, you better add some extra horsepower to your bug so you can run him down..haha

    If a hawk was staring at me, I'd pick up the cat. That would end that...LOL

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  13. It's so easy to say the wrong thing, especially when you have to talk a lot! I usually just try to avoid politics and religion at all costs.

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  14. @Spork...That's great!!! I have yet to be caught in spontaneous dance. :P

    @Pat...And I know you don't think I'm crazy. Ok, maybe a little, but that's why coming to my blog is soo much fun! hahaha

    I added something even better than horsepower to my bug, but I ain't telling yet!!!

    P.S. I'm telling your cat you said that. Psh, gonna sacrifice the poor baby to the hawk. tisk, tisk.

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  15. I love your list. Mondays are bad for me. I'm always so tired and find it hard to wake up, especially after having a lie in over the weekend! I seem to get more energy later on in the week :-)

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  16. Where are you when I'm hanging out with a bunch of boring conversationalists? You are a hoot!

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  17. Good tips - I usually struggle breaking the ice and so these are useful lol

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  18. Must have been a hell of a meeting if you managed to throw leprosy in there.

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  19. You added the eyelashes did you? That will sure scare the serial killers away..haha

    The cat could take the hawk any day, that's why I'd so him.

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  20. HAHA Jax! I would love to see you in one of those halloween horror flicks. I bet you would kick ass. Interesting topics girl. Always! hahaha
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

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  21. I don't really have any work talking flubs but amongst friends I'm kind of notorious for making people feel awkward on purpose.

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  22. Hope you had a great Monday...nice tips!

    xoxo
    Stella

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  23. I'm glad someone else thinks the way I do about milk. The farmers crack me up. "See? now taste that (squirt squirt). MMMM it don't get no better than warm bodily fluid secreted from a mammal boob...mmmm".

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  24. @Barfly...omg, you just made my day!! It's so true!! How do people DRINK that?! I can't even look at it. Bleh, gag, barf...

    Ok, I'm dramatic, I know...

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  25. I have none! Haha! Why? Because I can't work anymore. Seriously, I don't remember what my flubs were back then. I'm sure I had many, however.

    The leprosy thing made me laugh and think of someone else I know that's a hypochondriac. Thanks for the laughs today!

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  26. Oh Jax, you must be a real kick in the pants in person. This is hilarious. I think I need to Google the Humanzee.

    *Erin

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  27. hahaha, I had someone talk to me about the Milk debate before and I probably had the same "what?" look on my face. However- now I totally agree.

    My talking flubs is when I defautl to the weather conversation.. I always regret it as soon as it starts.

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