Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Be Mine Or Be Bates!

January is coming to a quick end and February is around the corner.  Before we know it Valentines day is going to come and go.  What are your Valentines day plans?  Since this will be my first Valentine's day single in a few years, my g/f and I decided to be each others Valentines.  Pshhh, who needs boys!?!?!  hahaha  I thought it was going to be a simple girls night with a bottle of wine, a tub of ice cream, and a crap load of cheesy chick flicks.  I had zero intentions of buying a gift nor receiving one.  Look at me being a Scrooge on the day of loovveee.  hahaha  But then, I signed up for this:




I signed up through Summer's page, Famous In My Own Mind.  It seems like a cute way to get creative and even a little festive.  Maybe I'll make 2 cards.  One for my secret Valentine and the other for my g/f!  lol


Will you be signing up for the card swap?
Why wouldn't you?  You might get me!! =P

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Ok, enough about that silly holiday, and onto my rant!  A few years back Brother and Madre were talking about an actress.  Her name is Kathy Bates.  At the time I had zero clue who she was, so I thought they made her up.  What?  That's not a reasonable conclusion?  For those of you who have no clue who she is, this is what she looks like.

She does exist!!
Well, sometime Sunday night Madre and I starting arguing over Mrs. Bate's existence once again.   Now I just do it to annoy her!  That led to a twitter post that went something along the lines of "I refuse to believe that Kathy Bates exists".  Minutes later I had a response from someone swearing she's very real and ranting that they saw her bare all in a porno. Hold up.  Kathy Bates has a porno???????  Madre and I didn't believe this twitter follower so we laughed it off and went on with life.

I would be lying if I said that the mystery of the porno wasn't eating at my brain.  I had difficulty sleeping that night because I just couldn't bring myself to fathom such a thing.  That's when I got up and dialed Madre at a very unreasonable hour.  Don't give me that look!  Madre had it on her mind too!  I used my little fingers to Google the words "Kathy Bates Porn".  I'm so ashamed that those words escaped my poor little finger tips to be delivered into the world wide web.

That's when it came up.  Some scene from a movie with Jack Nicholson.  The actress was at minimum in her late 50s.  Kathy Bates came out of a home wearing nothing but a robe.  Within seconds the robe was removed from her body and there she was in all her glory.  My eyes!!!!!  They burned!!!  My spleen!!!  It was on the verge of bursting from laughing so hard!!!  I couldn't believe what I just went out of my way to watch.  I saw everything.  The worst part was, Madre made me watch it twice so I could give her a detailed play by play simply because she couldn't believe the horror that we were putting ourselves through.

And then I called in sick to work due to slight vision loss.
What was your worst excuse for missing work?

-Jax

P.S.  Writing this post gave me horrid flashbacks.  I feel another sleepless night coming due to haunting nightmares.  Sigh...

36 comments:

  1. Lol... your stories always make me laugh. She didn't do a porn in particular it was a scene out of a movie. I actually haven't seen it but now I'm curious. And Valentine day is a made up holiday for hallmark and candy companies to sell candy and cards. If you have a great guy your guy will show you love everyday.

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  2. LOL thanks for clearing that up, just looking at her and thinking of that gave me enough chills. If I had to watch it I'd be scared for life. I'll take her psycho turn in Misery any day of the week.

    As far as that next great day goes, all a damn consumer propaganda thing, the day it's based off of there was a massacre. Does that really scream lovey dovey?

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  3. @Pat...I've never seen the movie Misery, but that's the best way to describe my life since I saw the nude video clip. The Bates went to rub Jack Nicholson's leg in the hot tub and he up and RAN. I swear things were floating that weren't meant to float!! It was awful.

    You must google it. You know you want to. The curiosity will get to you when you least expect it.

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  4. hahaha bates is a good actress i dint knew about the bare all parts off her career:P incredibly amusing post as always hun x

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  5. HAH - I won't be googling that but I do thank you for sharing it for the benefit of all your readers!

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  6. That is hilarious! I think I'm scarred for life, though. I seriously didn't know about that.

    And, I also cannot even begin to think about Valentine's Day yet!

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  8. @Summer...Glad to do it! :) I can't wait to get my creativity on and go on a Michael's shopping spree!!!

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  9. Whatever you do, do not watch Kathy Bates in Dolores Clairborne. That movie is even more meeeeessssed up than thinking about her naked. Truly.

    You know, I'd actually consider doing some kind of card trading thingy if I wasn't so paranoid about giving out my addy. It sounds fun!

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  10. @B...You've seen her nude as well?

    We should start a support group for people like us.

    "We Survived The Naked Bates"

    hahahaha

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  11. Whos Kathy Bates?

    Good luck with the Valentine card swap! (though staying in and eating ice cream sounds way better then cards and romantic stuff!)

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  12. I love Kathy Bates but I never, evereverever want to see her naked. Not ever. She wrote and directed quite a few episodes of the best tv show ever, Six Feet Under. Plus, the scene in Misery where she sledgehammers his feet, is classic.

    I used to celebrate "we don't need no stinkin' boy bitches" day on Valentine's. This year I'm actually going to a nice dinner with another couple, but I told the boy I don't really celebrate Valentine's, so no gifts please. It's a pretty useless Hallmark holiday. But it's an excuse to spend too much at a restaurant, so I'm going with it!

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  13. Hahahha once is a mistake. Twice is indulgent.

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  14. If I were single I'd be doing the same thing sister! Girlfriends make everything better :). And that is so funny about Kathy Bates.

    Champagne Lifestyle on a Beer Budget

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  15. Jax, I know your young, but you should look up "Misery" and watch it. You may not be talking so much shit about her then. I know men don't. Freaking scary.

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  16. Oh Jax, you crack me up! I love Kathy Bates (she was great on (The office recently), but naked probably isn't a look I want to see. I would need a sick day as well.

    You already saw the award i gave you over on my blog! Congrats:)

    *Erin

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  17. Oh. my. word. I hate when people do this. I am so curious now. Kathy Bates? Porn? Seriously? This queen of Google (aka: me) has burning fingers. They soooo want to see for themselves rather than taking your word for it. Arrrgh. Thanks. ;)

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  18. I was sitting near a lava lamp when it exploded in my face. I went to the hospital and they took hours to see me and remove the glass pieces. The doctor told me to go home but I went to work to show them what happened to my face. I didn't think it was a big deal but all my students were crying so I stayed the day so everyone knew I was okay.

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  19. Jax the mental on that unfortunately is engraved in my brain right now. LOL Ugggh! She was a trip in Misery. That's another brain trip. Psycho one to be exact. I think the Valentine card swap is so cute. I was gonna do it, until Summer said you would have to make it. I can buy, but I can't make. LOL Hope you get a good one :) Stay funny girl! Rent Misery.

    http://averysweetblog.com/

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  20. It was the movie About Schmidt, not a porno, trust me! And the movie was almost as bad as that scene. Shes on the show Harry's Law on NBC now. But yeah, totally scary.
    I tried that hair dryer to heat up eyelash curler years ago and it literally burned my eyes! I even had a heated curler, but that didn't work well either.

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  21. haha, aw- I love Kathy Bates!! She's such a good actor. I have seen that movie, About Schmidt, haha. You are funny.

    I don't think I've ever called in sick to work with a pathetic excuse, probably just that I was sick when I was really hungover around age like 22. But I don't do that anymore, I really only call in sick when I am!

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  22. I guess the overall consenus is that I need to see Misery. This will be done soon. hahaha

    @ Elle...It burned your eyes?! I've been doing it for a few years. I let it cool though. And double check that my cheek could take the heat before I do it to my eyes. Ouch!!

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  23. Kathy Bates?! That's awful hahaha. I feel a little queasy just thinking about it. She WAS good in Misery though, and I liked her well enough on the Office.

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  24. Re: eyelash curling. I used to get singles and I bought an electric one that heats up. http://www.google.com/products/catalog?hl=en&q=electric+eyelash+curler&gs_upl=686l4664l0l4742l29l20l2l0l0l1l250l2917l0.16.3l19l0&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.,cf.osb&biw=1680&bih=846&wrapid=tlif132743815047010&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=17944726213126921565&sa=X&ei=SxkfT-WhE-HW2AWE5vH8Dg&ved=0CIgBEPMCMAA#
    You just hold it to your lashes. It works really well. When you get falsies you can't use regular eyelash curlers. I find that if you just mascara, then hold the curler tight for 15 seconds, they curl just fine. As long as you keep the curler clean.

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  25. Can't stop laughing with your stories...made my day :)

    xoxo
    Stella

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  26. @Sporkgasm...Thanks for the tip girl! I can't leave the house without curling my lashes. Curled lashes wake me up. Or at least make me look awake haha

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  27. Your posts are always so entertaining! Was laughing the whole time. Who knew KB was so entertaining as subject matter?

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  28. That is hysterical. You are a brave soul.

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  29. haha curious? For such a sight, never ever! Curiousity did kill the cat after all and see her in full bloom would kill me and leave me with that memory forever playing in my head for eternity..no thanks.

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  30. i lol'd whilst hunting for this video

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  31. Bates really is an actress and critically acclaimed. She's quite famous. I saw the movie and it wasn't sexy, but it was a real woman and that was the point. I'm married so Valentines day for me will involve my hubby saying "Is it Valentines Day?" And then I'll pout and he'll take me out to dinner, except with no reservations we'll wind up at McDonalds. Stay Single!!!!

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  32. @Anne...my favorite Valentine's day ever was with my guy from my Middle School to high school days. We walked through mounds of snow just to have a Vday dinner at White Castle. Not sure why, but it still beats out all the others. Yes, even the ones when I got Tiffany jewelery lol

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  33. The idea of Kathy in porn makes me a bit nauseous I'm not gonna lie. Thanks for starting me day out puking a little in my mouth. Sick lol

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