Sunday, October 30, 2011

Happy Halloween!!

I know that I usually talk about my boys today, but unfortunately they got dominated by the Steelers.  I really don't want to talk about it.  Not only did they lose, but they destroyed my winning streak on my fantasy teams.  Cam Newton and Frank Gore pulled me through one team, but Brady & Green-Ellis killed me on my other team.  (My future husband, Aaron Hernandez, did score a touch down so we're not mad at him.  Just sayin...)  My last hope is Demarco Murray.  If he could score at least 5 more points in the next 2 quarters, I could still win both teams.

New obsession alert:  Ok, so the past couple of weeks I've been talking about The Secret Circle.  (It's a new show on The CW about witches.  It airs every thursday at 9pm.)  At first I was not so sure about the show.  It had a rocky start bordering the line of stupidity, but there was something intriguing about it.  I hung on because of its' great time slot airing right after Vampire Diaries.  Sure enough, the story line quickly got better and better.  I'm hooked on this silly show about witches.  As if the addicting story line wasn't enough to suck me in, they recently added a new character named Jake.  He is played by an actor named Chris Zylka.  (Oh my God, he is delicious!! Yum!)  I am officially the #1 fan of this show.
Introducing Chris Zylka.  I believe he is some sort of Russian God.  You're welcome ;)
How was your Halloween weekend?  Mine was a good time but mostly uneventful.  I dressed up as a kitty cat and hit up a local Irish pub where a great band was playing.  Peat Moss & The Fertilizers put on a pretty good show that covers all sorts of different genres of music.  They have great energy and a unique performance.  (If you are in the NY area, I suggest you check them out.  Plus, the lead singer is very cute.  He sort of looks like Robert Downey Jr. in his early twenties.  Just sayin...)  Other than the fact that I rocked cat ears and a tail, there was nothing Halloween-ish about my weekend.  Instead it was full of a snow storm and a bunch of errands.

Normally I throw a gigantic Halloween party.  Unfortunately, my new apartment is too small to cram about 20 of my drunk friends.    So let's talk about last years Halloween instead...

Flashback:  For Halloween of 2010 I threw a ginormous party.  One of my best friend's, DramaQueen, and I set up my apartment to look like a real haunted house.  

Those are awful pictures, so you're just going to have to trust me.  We went ALL out.  (I even baby powdered my furniture to make everything look dusty and old.  That's dedication!!)  My girl had a great idea to get a fake skull and make it into a mozzarella cheese picking.  She's very creative.  LOL

After a full day of moving furniture, decorating my apartment, and buying loads of supplies we were finally ready to party.  DramaQueen and I saved the hour before the party to get ready for the festivities.  She dressed up as a sexy fairy and I dressed up as Robin Hood.  Biff came a little early to help set up.  His costume was very easy.  He put on an all black outfit including a black stocking on his face.  Then he rocked a red cape.  He was a floating cape for Halloween.  (hahaha ok, dumb idea I know.  I so was not the one to tell him to do that.  Ok, so it was my bright idea.  Sigh...LOL)

Me, Biff, and Sis <3 
Me and Brother
Biff and DramaQueen <3
The party was great.  We were all having an amazing time.  We danced like crazy, talked a whole lot of nonsense, and just enjoyed each other's company.  That's when I realized that my phone was ringing.  I had 18 missed calls from my land lord, LLS (before we were a couple), and my dad The Viking.   I knew something was wrong.

The star of my haunted house party was a fog machine.  The genius in my head (Yes, the same genius that told me to hang Britney Spears above my bed with Scotch tape.  I don't know why I listen to it either...) told me to stick the fog machine in my living room.  The fog filled up my entire apartment.  It looked AWESOME and really resembled some sort of freaky haunted house that would charge at least a $30 cover fee.  The problem was that the smoke from the fog machine seeped under the door that led into the main house.  This then proceeded to set off the fire alarm.  At 2 a.m. my land lords were awakened by the fire department and two cop cars showing up at the house.  All they saw was thick smoke coming out from under the door.  (Don't lie, you would've panicked too!!!)  They thought their house was burning down.

I picked up the phone and was shocked to hear the reason why they were blowing up my cell.  Naturally I was mortified, so I sent DramaQueen's fiance to deal with the police.  Luckily Sis's brother is a big deal in the local Fire Department.  He told the police that it was just a bunch of twelve year olds playing with a fog machine.  (How dumb!!  Maybe the voice in my head isn't a genius at all...)

Expecting to get yelled at, I called back my Dad, The Viking.  He was hysterical laughing saying that it was just another chapter to add to my book.  Amongst the confusion i passed along the phone to my land lord just as my father was cracking a joke about the fire men and their long hoses...Did I mention that I love my dad and his inappropriate humor? hahaha

Well that was my exciting Halloween last year.  What are your Halloween stories?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
-LMF

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Spooky Story Time. Boo!

Baby Blues <3
Look at those beautiful, baby blue eyes.  (Fanning myself..)  I went for only a face shot of the lovely Ian Somerhalder because I have a picture to share with all of you of a perfectly chiseled body.  I'm secretly not sure if Ian could compete with this hot football player bod.  Introducing the other TE to the NE Patriots, Gronkowski.  Shout out to my lovely Aaron Hernandez.  Yes, I still think #81 is sexier!  I'm loyal to my man. <3 lol
Thank you Slamdunk for introducing me to the topless version of Gronkowski.  We like!
Vampire Diaries was a little silly tonight.  I love that Mason made an appearance, even though it was short.  I am very disappointed that Stefan Salvatore is still alive.  ok, I don't wish death on anyone, not even TV characters...but maybe he could just disappear somewhere?  Secret Circle is stealing my heart!  What a great show so far.  I am falling in love with this show.  It has everything that a great show needs.. Is anyone else liking the dead neighbor's long lost brother?  Hot!

Ok, enough of my Thursday night TV ramblings.  We all know that I am in love with Ian Somerhalder so just tell me to shut up already!! :P

Spooky Story Time
Now imagine yourself in the woods camping.  You're sitting around a warm camp fire roasting some marshmallows with your best friends.  I'll tell a story first.

When I was 10 years old my parents decided to move my family into a bigger house in a better school district.  They picked out a home in a development that was still under construction.  This allowed them to basically build the house of their dreams from scratch.  They quickly decided on the plot of land they wished for their house to sit on.  There was one problem that my parents never anticipated:  The land they chose for us to live on is the only piece of land in all of the US where a fully built, intact long house was found.  Don't believe me?  Google it!  That long house made Newsday!  Growing up my whole col-de-sac was aware of the Native Americans that lived there before us.  We all used to joke around about the Native American spirits that haunted our block.  While we all made it seem like a joke, it was obvious that it wasn't funny at all.  We were all living amongst these spirits.  The Viking, brother, madre, and even biff can stand as my witnesses that our block was haunted.

Things got so freaky in my house that my brother and I would only shower if one of us was sitting on the toilet bowl standing guard for ghosts.  Several times we would be in the shower and the curtain would be punched in or we would hear/feel a presence in the bathroom.  One time I was in the shower while Madre was at the vanity blow drying her hair.  I was shampooing my hair when I heard and ear piercing yell.  My dad, The Viking, came running down the hallway.  He brought Madre into the living room where he calmed her down.  This is when young LMF rushes out of the shower with a shampoo filled head and a towel wrapped around her body.  Madre went on to tell us that when she was blow drying her hair she had her head flipped down.  Volume people!!  You got to blow dry your hair that way for volume!  While her head was flipped down she saw long legs walking towards her.  She yelled out "Viking, cut it out!".  But who she thought was my father wouldn't stop creeping towards her.  Annoyed, she flipped up her hair to see a ghostly figure with long, black hair approaching her.  One arm was covering his face and the other was reaching out towards her.  That's when she yelled the scream that I heard.  

My brother used to wake up in the middle of night screaming that someone was scratching at the walls.  Madre used to try and calm him down by blaming me.  Yes, that's what I do at ungodly hours of the morning.  I wake up from a dead sleep to scratch at the walls.  Sigh...he'll believe anything!  One night I heard the scratching myself.  It was too early though for the Native Americans to begin their wall scratching.  I yelled out for Madre, but she said it was The Viking shaving his teeth.  She swears that is the truth, but I don't believe her!

We also had frequent sightings.  There was a young Native American boy that used to run up and down the stair case landing.  At first this would freak us all out, but it was so common that we eventually got used to it.  My dad, the Viking, used to tell him that there was no need to run.  Ummm...please, let him run...no need for him to hang out and chill!  One day I was downstairs in the kitchen talking on the phone with my friend Minnesota, when that Native American boy decided to run around my body in a circle creating a barrier that I couldn't pass.  I was screaming so bad that my girlfriend had to talk me through it.  I couldn't see his body.  All I saw was a blur but I heard the footsteps and felt the force of his runs.

Since Biff only lived one house away from me, he had similar problems.  We invested in a book that promised to rid our homes of any supernatural dwellers.  We followed all the directions.  Candles were set up in a circle that we sat in.  With our hands joined together we began our chant.  Oh now, hear my cry, spirits from the other side...  Nothing happened.  We got ripped off.

My final ghostly encounter was about two years.  Madre was in the hospital and Brother was home alone.  He was only a senior in high school at the time so I agreed to spend the night and stay with him.  he offered to let me sleep in his bed, but I settled for the couch.  Through the years, I grew to resent this home.  I was more afraid to be in that house than anything else.  Moving out of there at 17 was a sigh of relief to me.  Sleeping on the couch meant that I could snuggle with our two dogs that would act as my body guards.  I laid their with the lights on and the TV on blast.  A few hours later, I eventually drifted off to sleep.  Brother had enough of the blasting TV and the gleaming light, so we got up and shut off all my means of electricity.  My brain suddenly fell into this realistic freaky dream.  I dreamt that Madre was badly hurt.  Both her eye balls were gauged out of her head and she was left there bleeding and dying.  I looked at her and felt this horrible pit in my stomach.  I whispered in her ear with a broken voice "Who did this to you?"  She responded in a ghostly tone "You did".  I immediately woke up.  I was sweating and holding onto my dog.  The poor guy was gasping for air.  My dream made me squeeze the poor baby so tight that I'm surprised he didn't break any bones!  That's when I felt that familiar lingering presence.  I looked up to see a figure floating above me.  While I couldn't make out a face, it was definitely a man by the shape of the body.  At first, I laid there frozen wondering if I was still in a dream.  That's when I got this sickening feeling in the bottom of my gut.  The feeling told me to get the hell out of the house.  Now.  That's when the figure said my name.  I screamed for my brother as loud as I possibly could.  I was paralyzed with fear and couldn't move.  He came running in enough time to see the figure hovering above me.  That's when he turned the lights on and grabbed me.  If a presence is harmless, then the fear would not have been that severe in my brother and I.  Within minutes we were packed up and at my apartment where we spent the rest of the night.

I could go on and on with stories about my old house, but I am so freaked out right now that I'm going to stop there.  It's amazing how just writing about those experiences makes my heart pound faster.  

One time Biff played a trick on me.  I was alone and at a lost loss of what to do, so I called the police.  Yes, my fellow followers, I called the police on a ghost.  Long story short, the cops are useless when it comes to the supernatural, Just sayin...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
Do you have any real life horror stories?  Share!!

-LMF


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

My best friend, Plank!

What a rough start to a new week!  As you all know, it's midterm week for us college students.  Bleh!  I spent the majority of my weekend and my entire Monday afternoon studying for my killer accounting exam.  There was no way that I could've been more prepared for this exam.  I was sitting at my desk waiting to ace the test, when I heard a buzz and caught a glimpse of yellow.  For the love of God...  There happens to be a beehive somewhere in my classroom because this is the SECOND time that I saw a bee flying around the room.  How the hell am I supposed to take a midterm while dodging an evil creature that could easily take my life?  Needless to say, if I got anything less than an A on that exam, I'm coming back after hours in a tin suit with a bottle of Raid and a tub of bleach.  Revenge!!!


Plank!
Does anyone recognize that guy above?  He's my favorite character on my favorite cartoon, Ed, Edd, N Eddy.  He is Plank, Johnny's best friend.  Well, he's more of an imaginary friend because he is just a plank of wood.  If you are unfamiliar with the show then I suggest you familiarize yourself because you are missing out!  It's a great show.  Watching this cartoon will bring your intelligence level down a few notches, but the laughs you will have will make up for any suffered brain loss.
Ok, follow me now...Bee buzzing around...Plank would be clutch for swatting bee...PLANKING!

What is planking?

No, it is not a sexual innuendo nor is it an act of violence.  In fact, it is probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard.  It's a wonderful contribution to society made by my generation.  Planking is to lay your body down as straight and as stiff as a plank of wood.  Ok, let's practice:  Lie down flat on the floor.  Make your body as stiff and as straight as possible.  Congratulations!!!  You just planked the floor.  :)  Do you feel any sense of accomplishment?  

I swear this is the newest trend!  I did not make this up!  If you don't believe me, do what Madre always does, and Google it.  This is what I found...

This person planked a brick wall.
This person planked two camels.
This person planked a desk.
This person is teaching their child the art of planking at a very young age.
This is what I call a "mass planking".
Now do you believe me that this is what all the cool kids are doing?  One of my friends called me all excited that they did the "Plank of all Planking"...He planked a cop car.  (Planking is so important to one's reputation that you should risk getting arrested over it.  Imagine:  "Mom, I need you to bail me out of jail.  Planking a police officer on his lunch break was such a dumb idea!") I didn't believe him, but sure enough, there he was laid straight out across the lights of a cop car.  His resemblance to a lifeless plank of wood was uncanny.

Do you plank?  I want proof!!  Pics or it didn't happen.

-LMF

P.S.  I told my dad, the Viking, about this planking phenomenon.  He agreed to plank a tree stand when he goes hunting in the woods later this week.  I'm calling his bluff, but if he does do it, I'm taking credit for it!  Having your father join in on this stupidity beats any cop car nonsense.  I'd win!!  Game on.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

LMF: Queen of the Freakshows!

Happy Sunday Funday!!  Well, it wasn't all that fun for me.  The Jets won (boo!), it was my boys bye week, and I couldn't find Aaron Hernandez's real Facebook!  Sigh...cheering on the Pats is my favorite distraction from doing my homework!  The only fun part about this Sunday was watching both my fantasy teams dominate thanks to the amazing pick up of DeMarco Murray on Friday.  He will be a new regular on both of my teams.  Sorry Jacobs!

My weekend was super busy.  It was packed with laundry, errands, family time, friend time, and a lot of midterm studying!!  How was your weekend???

Do you know anyone that no matter what goes in their life doom always lurks around the corner?  You know exactly what I mean!  There are the people who can jump of a cliff and nothing exciting will happen to them.  They will gracefully land on their toes and then move on like nothing ever happened.  Then there are the people that could walk down the street and end up tripping on a rock which makes them fall right onto a stranger that turns out to be Britney Spears who eventually ends up becoming their lesbian lover.  Do you see where I'm going with this?  If you've read my blog before, you know that my life is a never ending soap opera and that I attract all the crazies!  And by crazies, I actually mean stalkers....

BrainDamage:  Almost a year ago, my good friend DramaQueen (I'm the maid of honor to her wedding on 11-11-11.  Eep!!), introduced me to some freak show that we can refer to as BrainDamage.  After a quick hi, bye conversation, I ran away and prayed that I would never be forced to see that guy ever again.  He used the phrase "I'm trying to be funny" after every single thing that he said.  It was beyond obnoxious.  The things he said weren't even remotely humorous.  I missed the part where "how are you" was a knee slapping, hysteria causing joke!  oh wait, it's not!  Anyways, DramaQueen was waking up out of bed when she heard a knock on the door.  Nervous, because she had an unexpected visitor early in the morning, she rushed to the door.  She jumped in surprise to see BrainDamage standing in her doorway.  He let himself inside as he informed her of his secret mission.  His girlfriend broke up with him and now's ready to mingle again.  He remembered meeting me last year (for the love of God, why me?) but he lost my friend's number so he took the 20 minute trip to her house to ask her for my phone number so he can ask me to come over.  She told him that she doesn't give out people's phone numbers, so she dialed my number so he could ask me himself.  As the phone was ringing, she snuck off to brush her teeth.  I answered the phone because I was surprised to be awakened by DramaQueen calling so early.   I groaned a hello only to hear a man yell at the top of his lungs "HI LMF, REMEMBER ME???"  First off, who the hell is me?  Second off, I don't even have a voice yet, stop yelling!!!  When he responded to my question with BrainDamage I almost died.  I quickly hung up the phone and didn't answer any of DramaQueen's calls until the next day.  She thought it was the funniest thing ever!  I think it's the creepiest.  Does he want a friend?  I could give him LLS's address and they could stalk the world together!

Butcher:  After a weekend of stalkers I was ready to just chill out and enjoy my Sunday.  I didn't want to go out and I didn't want to see any of my friends.  I just wanted to relax, spend time with my family, and study.  Brother asked me to go food shopping with him and I agreed because I needed a few things myself.  As Brother and I were walking over to the deli counter to get Madre some sliced roast beef, I recognized the Butcher as a guy I met at a party a few month's back.  He remembered me and we exchanged some cordial small talk.  As Brother and I were walking away, Butcher called me back to utter his full name (Don't ask me what it was because he muttered it so quick that I have no idea what he said!).  He then went on to call me "Mama" and insist that I add him on Facebook so that we could catch up.  Since I was intent on getting home to relax, I agreed and waved goodbye.  A few minutes later, Butcher was taking a stroll down the canned goods aisle and casually brushed my arm to let me know that I have a beautiful smile.  I said thank you and went on my way.  Right now the usually over protective brother is hysterical laughing.  He thought it was the funniest thing that this guy was following me around the grocery store.  haha, real funny!  Thinking that I made it out safely, Brother starts unpacking the shopping cart onto the conveyor belt.  Next thing I know I hear "Hey Mama".  I turned around to see Butcher standing there with his phone to ask me for my phone number.  As if dodging him the first three times wasn't a good enough answer to his request, I had to politely tell him that I wasn't interested.  He then went on to say "You can't get away from me that easy Mama!  I know you'll be back  for more groceries and you can't hide from the deli counter.  One day we'll go out and I'll show you a real good time.  Later Mama!".  Then he walked away.  Who the hell does he keep calling Mama????  I came home to find a Facebook friend request from him.  Deny!!!  

Now do you see what I mean?  I could be huddling in a corner with my back facing the world wearing a paper bag on my head and there will still be some wack job that comes tapping on my shoulder!!  Sigh....

-LMF

Friday, October 21, 2011

Put. Down. The. Phone.. Now!

Guess what?  Today is Friday!!  Woo hoo...You know what that means?  Play time after 5!!  Sorry, don't mind me.  I'm really high today on an amazing trip of Damon.  I missed out on last week's Vampire Diaries episode because of class.  To make up for it, I watched TWO episodes of it last night.  It was 2 full hours of Ian Somerhalder...do you know how that feels?  My head is still spinning!!  hahaha Don't judge me!  Just to make sure that my high doesn't wear off, here are two really sexy pictures for you all to study.  swoon...

                                               







...ok, breathe... I'm really getting into The Secret Circle.  It's getting very intense and I love it!  If anyone is looking for a new show to get into, check it out.  I give you the word of LMF that it has everything that you want from a show meant to turn your brain into soup...in a good way..so let's go with tomato soup...

So, I have a question for all of you...How old is TOO old to text?  My dad, The Viking, is constantly texting.  It's chill that my dad texts because it avoids unnecessary phone calls.  Not that I don't like talking to him on the phone...but you get the point!  My one aunt who is around 45 years old is constantly trying to text me as well.  There's just one problem with this.  The older generations do not know how to text.  "Texting" is a skill taught at a young age.  Training begins at a real young age on the internet chatting with friends.  This is where an individual is taught the basics to the lingo such as "LOL" or "G2G".  Once that child graduates to a cell phone they will know things such as "IDK" and "HBU".  Then there are always the over achievers.  These people are typically titled as gamers or geeks.  They get a masters degree in texting and use abbreviations like "DIAF" and "OMW".  Anyone want to take a stab at those?  Well, DIAF means Die In A Fire.  I know it's not nice, but it's supposed to be directed towards someone else in a video game!  OMW stands for On My Way.  My ex taught me those.  Sigh...

DD:  Then there are the abbreviations that do not yet exist.   The "older" folk still insist on using these.  Just because you text "INTGTTB" doesn't mean that the other person knows that means "I need to go to the bathroom".  You can not abbreviate whatever you feel like.  My dad, The Viking, texted me about a year ago.  The entire text message read "DD".  I sat there, bewildered, trying to figure out what the hell he was trying to say to me.  Yes, I thought of calling him too.  He didn't pick up!  About 20 minutes later he showed up at our apartment with two cups of coffee.  He then proceeded to ask why I didn't respond with what I wanted from Dunkin Donuts.  Why?  Because you can't text me random letters and assume that I have any idea what you are trying to tell me!!!  Sigh...DD has become a regular texting term between him and I now.  LOL!!

LMAO:  Madre does not text.  In fact, she does not even have a cell phone.  She does however e-mail me on a regular basis.  See above paragraph where I reference e-mailing as the primary school of texting.  The key to online communicating with an "older" person in to use simple lingo so they can learn and eventually graduate to middle school or a cell phone.  Thinking that Madre understood the concept of LOL I went on to the next lesson and responded to her message with "LMAO".  She had absolutely no idea what that meant.  Problem was, she didn't let me in on her secret that she was ignorant to that term so in response to her second message i wrote again "LMAO".  Madre then called my brother all upset asking him what she did so bad to me.  He asked her what the hell she was talking about.  She then got even more upset explaining that to each e-mail she sent me I was yelling at her "leave me alone!".  Leave me alone doesn't even fit into a four letter abbreviation.  Oh well, she tried...

MHM:  Another issue with texting older people is that they assume any word less then 3 letters long is an abbreviation.  This is NOT the case.  Words like "CAT" and "HIT" still mean the same thing in texting lingo.  My dad, The Viking, was texting my baby cousin.  He asked her a question and she responded with "MHM".  He had absolutley not one clue what that meant.  He felt dumb or old asking her what that stood for so he called his best friend, The Gladiator, for some help.  Calling an even older man for help was not the solution.  Instead of one person being left confused, it was turned into two.  Poor guys...  About a half hour later, my dad showed me the conversation.  I then informed him that MHM stood for not one single thing.  It was simply mmmhmmm...Needless to say, he felt real silly and so did the Gladiator.  

I don't want to discriminate against a certain generation.  Of course, anyone has the right to text, but I do feel that everyone should go through their texting education first.  You can start in primary school of the texting world at any age... Once my grandparents start texting, I'm going to stop.  I refuse to try and comprehend those messages!

Have an amazing weekend everyone!!!
-LMF

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Hoarders

Happy Hump Day!!  Ug...really?  It's only Wednesday?  Sigh...


Did you ever watch the show Hoarders?  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the show, it is about people that have a mental disorder.  This disorder doesn't allow them to throw things away.  They just keep hoarding junk until it overflows onto their lawns or any free space they own.  (There was once an episode where the wife was so bad that the husband had to sleep in his car!  She accumulated so much stuff that there was no room for him to sleep in the house!)  My OCD is making me twitch.  I have to go clean something now...lol


This got me thinking that everyone hoards something!  Ok maybe hoarding is a strong word, but we all have an unnecessarily large amount of something that drains our pockets of money and our homes of space.  Let's ban together and help ourselves!


Shampoo.  I counted the bottles of shampoo and conditioner in my shower just for this post.  (You all should feel honored.  It takes a lot to get me up once I'm laying down for the night! lol)  I have 28 bottles of shampoo and conditioner stacked up in my shower.  I have an additional 12 bottles hiding in my bathroom vanity.  I'm not talking cheap bottles like White Rain or Suave.  I'm talking the expensive stuff like Coconut Milk, Chi, and Kenra.  I am OBSESSED with shampoo.  I sometimes wash my hair twice a day and I very rarely use the same shampoo twice in a two week period.  Anddd this is where I stop with the shampoo.  I see you all looking at me like i'm a real freak show...


Renuzit.  You know those cone shaped air fresheners that you just open up and put on your counter?  You figure one per room should be adequate enough to get your place smelling good.  Well, you're wrong.  I have 18 Renuzits hanging around my apartment and I still don't smell one dam thing!  It's sooo frustrating!!  (It's become a personal mission of mine.  My apartment WILL smell like vanilla one day.)  It's like Where's Waldo, except it's Where's Renuzit.  I have them hidden everywhere.  There is one under my bed, there's one hidden behind the TV, and there is even one chilling in my wine rack.  I plan on continuing my trend and buying another 3 this Sunday.  I need Renuzit rehab.


Body Sprays.  Everyone has a large dresser in their room.  Usually their drawers contain underwear, t-shirts, and socks.  Well, I have one of those too, but I had another dresser that was filled with body sprays.  I am not exaggerating when I say I must have over 200 bottles of body spray.  The worst part is, I HATE body spray.  I don't even use it!!  (I use the same perfume every day; Fergie's Outspoken.  It's deff a hot scent!)  When I was moving into the new apartment my Aunt could not believe the ridiculous amount of bottles I had.  We ended up buying 3 plastic crates from Target and filling them with these body sprays.  My inner "hoarder" couldn't bear to part with them.  Instead they live in crates stacked in the back of my closet serving no purpose whatsoever. 


People that know me would never think that I had hoarder like habits.  I'm a very neat person.  Everything has it's special spot and for the love of God, don't touch it.  I'm even worse at work.  Let's just say that I know when the cleaning crew touched something on my desk!  Who says that you can't hoard unnecessary things but keep them tucked away in a tidy fashion?  How about the people who have DVR and have hundreds of shows saved onto their TV?  Hoarding!!!  How about the people that hoard the show Hoarders on their DVR?  Sorry, couldn't resist...lol


What do you secretly hoard?

-LMF

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Lost the Love Bug!

First off:  Congratulations to my boys for a great win tonight against the Dallas Cowboys!  You got me nervous for a second there, but my man Hernandez came through with a touch down <3

Yum!  Look at him licking his lips :)  FYI:  He's #81 now
Secondly:  I had an amazing weekend!  It was filled with Casino Night at my brother's college, birthday cakes, and some serious quality time with the maintenance man (We like!!).

I was doing my Saturday ritual (guy shopping at my dad, The Viking's shop) when he brought up some HORRIBLE event that happened to me last year.  He says it's another chapter to add to the book! For some unknown reason God loves to throw cars at me.  (Saturday I could've sworn that my VW New Beetle could squeeze between a semi truck and the guard rail.  I was wrong...sigh..)  Did I ever tell you about the ultimate Love Bug horror story?  Oh boy..here it goes..

Flashback:  San Genaro's Feast NYC 2010  My best friend at the time (her and I broke up last February..) and I went on a little adventure in the Love Bug into New York City for the San Genaro's feast.  We didn't know how to get there so we plugged Little Italy into the GPS and went on our merry way.  We scored a great parking spot only a few blocks from where we wanted to be.  Excited, dressed real cute (tiny black tops, skinny jeans, and 5" heels), and with the hopes of meeting up with her hot cousin's friends we were ready to party hard.  

After a great night we were ready for the long drive back home.  This is when we both looked at each other and exchanged glances of complete p a n i c.  Neither of us even thought of LOOKING at where we parked.  We had absolutely no idea where my car was.  We lost the love bug :(  After walking around NYC in our hooker heels for about an hour in the hopes of stumbling across my BRIGHT YELLOW VW New Beetle, I decided to call my dad, The Viking.  

He immediately asked where we were.  We didn't know.  We walked to the end of the block to find a street sign.  It's turns out we were in the Bowery.  (For those of you who are unfamiliar with NYC, the Bowery is the crack head central, rape me now area of NYC.  You don't want to walk through there with 5" hooker heels.)  Instead of freaking out, he calmly asked my friend and I to get to a land mark so he can take the hour long drive to pick our asses up.  The first land mark we could find was a random Confucius statue on some random road.  At the sound of Confucius my dad finally hit breaking point.  "HOW DID YOU GO FROM LITTLE ITALY TO A GOD DAHM GODZILLA MOVIE?!"

Long story short, The Viking cut his date short and ventured out into NYC with his girlfriend to rescue my friend, me, and The Love Bug.  

While The Viking was on his hour long rescue mission, my friend and I experienced the climax of our adventure.  A little bald headed man ran by us without any shirt on, no socks, and no shoes.  Being the Long Island girl that I am, I must have gave him a weird look.  He walked right up to me and said "What was that weird look for?  Why?  Because I'm in NYC without any shoes on? Well, if you want to know the truth, I stole over 75 grand in cash and got busted by the cops.  The only way I could get away from the cops was to throw the money down a stairwell and take off my shoes.  Look down a few stairwells, maybe you'll get lucky!"  Then he just kept running away.  Barefoot.  Yuck.  After hearing this absurd story, my friend and I tried to puzzle it back together.  Was it legitimate?  Well, he LEGIT didn't have any shoes on.  Good enough for us...  We walked down the next block and stopped at the first stairwell.  We took two steps down when a rat, YES, A RAT, ran across our feet.  Dumb?  I know...but it's 75 grand..

When my dad FINALLY came to our rescue, he scooped us up and we began our hunt for The Love Bug.  It took us about 2 hours to stumble across her.  It was about 2 seconds away from Little Italy on Canal Street.  Canal Street!  How annoying!?!  Could it have been any more famous of a road?  Sigh...  At the sight of my poor, lonely car we all looked at each other and screamed in excitement.  It was now approaching 5 am.  If I was big enough, I would've ran out and gave her the biggest hug.  

Oh, and was my Dad The Viking angry?  No.  Now don't get me wrong, he wasn't happy either.  He simply said that it was another chapter to my book and that he was going to bring this up at my wedding.

Moral of the story:  I have the best car in the world.  My love bug saved my life more times than I could count <3

Honk Honk!!
 -LMF



Friday, October 14, 2011

Trinkets & Reeses Pieces

Happy Friday everyone!  Unfortunately I had to tape (yes, with a VCR) Vampire Diaries again.  Boo! Just because I was forced to deprive myself of an Ian Somerhalder fix, doesn’t mean that I need to ruin everyone else’s fun.  Here’s the sexy Damon Salvatore for you all to stare at and fantasize about.  (Don’t lie, you know you do too!)


I did make it home from class in time for Secret Circle and Always Sunny in Philadelphia, but that wasn’t good enough for me!  Sigh…Anyways, during my Thursday night TV fix I realized that I never got the opportunity last weekend to put out all my fall decorations.  (No, it wasn’t the witches on TV that made me realize Halloween is around the corner.  It was the two bags of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups that reminded me of my procrastination.  Yum!!!)  So during the first commercial break I ran to the closet and dug out the box that I needed.  Before I was able to put anything out on display, I realized that I have a lot less room in the new apartment.  Where was I going to put everything?  The ONLY solution to my dilemma would be to temporarily remove some of my “trinkets” and replace them with my seasonal d├ęcor.  FAIL!  I didn’t know what to sacrifice.  This state of confusion and despair made me come to one final conclusion:  I really love my things.  (I sounded JUST like Madre right there.  Don’t tell her…she never let’s me hear the end of it!) 

What better way to get to know someone other than taking a peek around their house and seeing what oddities are lying around?  There used to be a show on MTV where the person snoops around someone’s room and then decides who they want to take on a date.  They had the right idea!  You really can tell a lot about a person from their “things”.  So let me share some of my favorites with you:


Adam Lambert Clock.  What is not to love about this thing?  It represents a very talented and daring artist.  It just screams sexy.  And it also tells the time!!  It’s perfection in the form of a clock.


Makin Bacon.  My best friend bought this for me.  Pigs have always been my favorite animals.  When I was little, every March 1st I would throw a National Pig Day party.  (I’m thinking I might throw another this year.  Hmm)  Only Sis could take something as cute as little piglets and make it naughty!  That’s why we love her!!  They are too funny not to put on display in the center of my kitchen table.


God Son Galore.  That is my baby boy right there.  He is my cousin’s baby and my God son.  Isn’t he precious?!  Don’t let his adorable smile fool you because he’s actually really bad.  He’s 1 year old and he already hits.  Sigh…we still love him though and that’s why he’s plastered throughout my entire apartment.



Piggy Banks.  Everyone collects something.  I happen to collect piggy banks.  I have them in all shapes and sizes and in every room in my apartment.  Of course I display them in a tasteful way, but they still highlight every room in my house.  Oink!


RDow Movie List.  My FAVORITE actor of all time is the lovely Robert Downey Jr.  There is just something about him..swoon…  My goal in life is to watch EVERY movie that he was EVER in.  This is a picture of the list of movies that he’s been in.  There are over 75 movies on this list.  Some of them are awful.  Some of them are awful and have only 2 seconds of R-Dow time...  This list is taped onto my vanity and on display for everyone to see.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to keep track of such a heart wrenching goal?

So now that you know all about my odd “trinkets” that I could NEVER part with..tell me, What are yours?

-LMF

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Why you so obsessed with me???

Anyone remember Mariah Carey’s short lived hit that was directed towards Eminem?  Well, that’s how I feel right now.  It’s amazing how quickly “dating” someone can turn into a relationship, then into the “L” word, only to fall into a breakup, and then serious a case of stalking.  There is a difference between love and an obsession.  I wish someone warned me that someone can actually become “obsessed” with you and all of the scary consequences that follow.  It’s important to recognize these signs right away because the outcome is unhealthy for both parties.  (I’m about to show my dorky side, watch out!)  Get out of an unhealthy relationship right away before your man or woman turns into Heathcliff from Wurthering Heights.  When Heathcliff found out his “love” had passed away, he dug up her dead corpse and cuddled with her decomposing remains.  This might be a real extreme circumstance, but that’s the sick level that an obsessed lover can be driven to.  (Don’t roll your eyes!  None of you watch CNN?  Poor, unexpecting people get murdered all the time because some sick, deranged lover doesn’t want their “ex” to become involved with anyone else.  It’s serious!)

Here are some sure tell signs that your signification other is beyond in love with you.  They may have crossed the fine line into a serious, unhealthy obsession.

1. Interrogation.  A jealous partner is prone to ask a thousand questions on a daily basis to make sure that you are faithful.  An obsessed partner does nothing else other than ask these obnoxious questions.  (LLS made me feel like a serial killer being questioned by a detective every day.  Even after I begged him to cut it out he would continue.  In fact, asking him to stop made it worse because that’s a “sign that of guilt”!!)  There is a problem when you need to check in every single move you make.  God forbid you don’t text your whereabouts every few minutes.  This is sick and unhealthy.  There needs to be at least a little level of trust in your relationship.  If there is none, maybe you should start to think ‘does this person actually care about me or do they think of me as their property?’

2. Spam calling.  If your significant other is constantly blowing up your cell phone, work phone, e-mail, Facebook, or any other means of communication on a daily basis RUN!!  A spam caller will never change.  (LLS even got me in trouble at work!  I would get SO many phone calls on my direct line that my manager would put my phone on do not disturb.  At the end of the day I would have over 100 voicemails of him accusing me of things I wouldn’t have ever thought of.)  There’s such a thing as a healthy level of communication, but when constant communication becomes mandatory, your relationship just reached an unhealthy mark.  Someone that can’t go 5 seconds without speaking to you is most likely obsessed with you.  The worst part is if you partner is an interrogator because then they will never run out of things to say or call about.

3. Invasion of privacy.  If you turn your back and your man is immediately on the toilet bowl going through your phone, there is a problem.  There is never a need for anyone to sneak peeks at someone else’s phone, computer, or anything.  If you trust the person, ask them right out and hope for a truthful response.  (LLS took it to the point of putting a folding chair at the other side of my door for a camp out.  He would wait for my phone to ring so he could listen to my phone conversations.)  It’s very easy to track someone’s communication with the outside world by hacking into e-mail accounts or other electronic devices.  When someone goes out of their way to hack into your e-mail account to see who you are talking to, they are no longer curious, they are obsessed.  I always tell anyone that I’m involved with: I have nothing to hide.  Anything you want to see, just ask.

All three of these things put together are serious red flags against the person you are with.  These signs tell you that this person might not actually L word you, but they might be obsessed with you.  I would end the relationship right here..and I did.  This is the point where I broke up with LLS.  Unfortunately, if a person is obsessed with you, they will carry out the stalking further.

4. Breaking and entering.  If your ex-partner breaks into your home, call the police.  Don’t make the mistake I made and END the insanity here.  If you really care for a person, it’s easy to mistake this as a misguided act of love.  It is not a desperate action to get their partner back, but a psychotic act that you need to protect yourself from.  (LLS broke into my apartment.  He not only wouldn’t let me leave my apartment once he got in, but he wouldn’t let me have access to my phone to call for help.  While he didn’t physically hurt me, he did restrain me.  This is when I changed my deadbolt locks.  I then moved to a new apartment within a week’s time.)  For someone to risk getting prosecuted for a crime, you might want to second guess their feelings towards you.  Throw “love” out the window and replace it with “psychopathic stalker”.

5. Fake heart attacks.  When someone is obsessed with you they will go to ANY means possible to be able to speak to you even after you made it perfectly clear you want nothing to do with them.  These desperate attempts at communication may include harassing 3rd parties, showing up at your workplace, or even faking a serious illness.  (LLS faked a heart attack 3 weeks ago because I was ignoring him.  At first I recognized his manipulation game and ignored his cries for help.  It wasn’t until I received a confirmation that he was at the hospital did I answer his call.  Turns out he was really sitting in a parking lot, wailing, pretending to be in the middle of cardiac arrest.)  Any type of response to these desperate attempts will do nothing but instigate the person to repeat them.  If you ended the relationship with someone, it is no longer your responsibility to take care of them.  Take the cry for help seriously, but pass it along to someone else that should be helping them, such as a mother or a father.

6. Suicidal threats.  An extreme desperate act to get someone back into their life is to toy with the idea of suicide.  First it will come across as a subtle suggestion that the idea is in existence.  It will eventually escalate into a full on threat and a cut off in communication to lead you to believe the deed has been done.  (For me this was the final straw.  This weekend LLS called me saying that he hooked up with another girl.  When I didn’t care or react to this message, he confessed that he never even talked to another girl.  He said he made up the story to ‘test me to see if I still cared’.  When I failed his test, he threatened to end his life.  This devastated me.)  Don’t allow anything to get this far.  If you do, warn someone close to them of the threats, call the police, and block all forms of communication with this person.  Call your telephone provider and block their number, block them from viewing your page on Facebook, and block them from e-mailing you.  Take each threat seriously.  You never know; someone may be sick enough to do it just so you would never forget them.

These are scary and serious events that could take place.  It’s important to get out of any unhealthy relationship.  It’s even more important to recognize when someone doesn’t actually love you but is obsessed with you.  Once you recognize it, take serious action in preventing them from engaging in any contact with you.  It’s also important to let people around you be aware of these events.  If God forbid this person hurts you or themselves, you want there to be a record of the history.  Don’t be like me and sit with your head in the clouds waiting for things to escalate.  Be strong and put an end to it right away.

Sigh…there are some of us that only attract the crazies and freak shows of the world.  As the sister to LLS said “You will NEVER find another man like my brother!”  For the love of God, I hope not.

-LMF

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Back to Reality

Happy Tuesday everyone!  How did you all enjoy your long weekends?  Mine was filled with a little bit of everything.  You all know how I love those kinds of weekends!  First off: CONGRATULATIONS to my boys, the NE Patriots, for demolishing the NY Jets.  It’s about time we put them in their place after that embarrassing game last season. <3 Second off:  Congratulations to me for putting an end to the LLS harassment.  I finally put on my big girl panties and blocked his phone number through my phone company.  The last straw was when he called me crying yesterday.  He was begging for me back, but was SO hysterical that he puked all over himself while he was on the phone with me.  Bleh…  I don’t need that in my life.  There is a difference between love and obsession.  He is obsessed.

My baby cousin came to Long Island from Boston College this weekend to attend the Islander opener game with me.  After the game we met up with 3 different islanders.  Nino Niederreiter was one of them!  (He’s apparently a winger…w/e that means.  I like hockey players, not the actually game. Lol)  Anyways, Nino instantly fell in love with me.  Need proof?  Look below!!  He’s looking down at me and smiling with severe infatuation.  If you only you saw the lust in his eyes, …sigh… 



The Maintenance man that works in the shed and rides a cart:  Despite the obvious instant attraction between Nino Niederreiter and I, the Maintenance Man remains at the top of my list in my “man hunt”.  We finally met this weekend, and we like!!  We texted most of Monday and made plans to get together either later this week or this weekend.  I vote both!!!!

I hope you all had a fabulous long weekend as well.  Tell me about it!

-LMF

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