Friday, September 30, 2011

The Maintenance Man that works in a shed and drives a cart.

It’s Friday morning and you know what that means..another drool inducing picture of the sexy Ian Somerhalder.  Yup, there he is as Damon Salvatore.  (My Thursday night high just came back for a quick revisit ::fans myself::) He’s a welcomed ray of sunshine after an on going 2 full weeks of rain and gross humidity.  (Bleh!  I miss straightening my hair and I am sick of this poof ball of a hair do that I’ve been forced to rock for 2 weeks.) On top of the gross weather, it seems as if someone decided to empty out a plane full of fruit flies over Long Island.  They have been EVERYWHERE.  My school, my apartment, and even my job are all infested.  It’s disgusting.  (As LLS has told me several times before, “Fruit flies are very aggressive”. LOL Other then drowning in your drink, what can they do to you?  Fly at your face full speed ahead? Hahaha)
Look at that smirk! Yum!
Madre recently moved into a new condominium with Brother.  (My mother has MS and is in a wheel chair.  Although she has a great attitude, she can not walk long distances.  She can only take a few steps with a walker around the house.) When my mom moved into her new pad a few months ago, the maintenance man immediately caught her eye.  She called me up within seconds to tell me about this hot guy riding around in a maintenance cart and how his partner in the shed is Ron.  (Um, what? Lol)  Since she is handicapped, she never had the opportunity to run outside and speak with him.  (I was disappointed to learn that the Maintenance Man would not be attending the block party that took place a few weeks back.  I asked for him, but Madre’s wacky neighbor informed me that he lives with his parents in the complex and that he should be back to school upstate somewhere.  False Info.)

Wednesday Madre had a dermatologist appointment.  Nanny and Papa (My grandparents) came to pick her up.  As they were walking her into the car Madre spotted the hot Maintenance Man driving his maintenance cart down the road.  She started screaming at this stranger to stop and talk to her.  (No, she never actually met the guy.  She’s only seen him.  He must’ve thought she was a nice nutcase trying to flag him down!) So he pulls over his cart and Madre introduces herself.  She tells him something along the lines of “I’ve seen you around the complex driving your cart.  I told my daughter about you and how good looking you are.  She wanted to see for herself and was very disappointed that you didn’t attend the block party!”  She went on to explain the misinformation that her wacky neighbor passed along to us.  The Maintenance Man quickly informed her that he graduated from college and that he does not live with his parents.  He has his own condo in the complex (Score!!!).  He never mentioned a girlfriend and he never said he wasn’t interested, so of course Madre took it a step further.  She goes on to explain “Well, I would love for my daughter to meet you.  She looks just like me (Now Madre points to Nanny), but she has my mother’s boobs.”  (MOM!!!!! THAT’S HOW YOU DESCRIBE ME??  Forget the  accounting job I have, or that I recently moved into a new place, or that I go to school at nights…no…she tells him that I have big boobs.  Figures  How embarassingggg!!)  Now Papa is fuming because Madre exploited his wife’s chest to some young, sexy man driving around on a cart heading to “the shed”.  So he rushes them into the car and they leave without making any further progress.

When they returned from the dermatologist, Nanny sees a note on the door.  The note reads “My name is The Maintenance Man (just kidding, he put his real name lol) I just fixed a sprinkler in front of your condo.  If you need any help with anything else, please let me know.  This is my cell phone number.”  So now Madre, of course, needs to call him and see WHY he left the note because she isn’t even aware of any sprinkler in front of her condo.  Why does she THINK he left the note?  Lol.  Last I heard about this was yesterday.  Apparently, she left the Maintenance Man a voicemail asking him to return her call.  I haven’t heard whether or not he called her back yet.  This whole crazy story left me with 3 questions.
1.       Did he leave the note because he’s interested in meeting a nice girl or because of my cup size?
2.       Did he leave the note because he was being nice to a disabled woman or was just being courteous in general?
3.       And how hot is he exactly? LOL!!  If he’s that hot, I might be spending some time on Madre’s stoop with a Glamour magazine waiting for a cart to drive by…or better yet, I might be doing my Pilates routine in front of “The Shed”!

This is what happens when you have a crazy Italian family!

-LMF

P.S.  I lost my peacock ring at work yesterday.  I’m very upset.  I left a sign in the bathroom hanging on the paper towel dispenser that says “My peacock ring is missing.  Please call this number if found.”  There has been no news yet..sigh.  RIP: Peacock Ring.  It’s been real.  L

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Thattt Thinggg, Thatt Thinggg

Remember when Lauryn Hill (Love her!)took over the radio a few years ago?  One of her biggest hits (& Madre’s favorite song!) warned us: “Girls, you know you better WATCH OUT.  Some guys, some guys are only A-BOUT that thing, that thing, thaattt thi-i-inggg”.  (I so just sang that in my head as I typed it out. Lol) Guess what Ladies, she’s right!!  Now don’t get me wrong, not all guys are all about that.  Actually, most guys AREN’T all about that, but it’s very important to be able to weed out the dogs and make time for the nice guys.  In my recent “single girl hunt” I’ve been going through my options.  The problem with that is, I haven’t stopped to recognize who is looking for a relationship and who is ahem just trying to get into my pants (gasp!!).sm

Here are the warning signs of a guy that’s just looking to “get it in” with a girl that’s “DTF”.

1.       There’s no conversation.  How can a guy be looking for a relationship if he isn’t trying to get to know you?  Sure he’ll send you a cute text one day and ask how you are doing the next day, but this is NOT conversation.  This is him keeping you at arms distance so if a night comes along where he is riding solo, he can give you a call and you’ll come running over.  (Why not?  You can’t say he didn’t try and talk to you.  You can’t say he didn’t ask how you were.  Oh wait.  I know, maybe he just isn’t a phone guy.  Yea, that’s it.  He’s not a phone guy…FYI:  That was all sarcasm.  If you believed that you get a virtual slap!!) My rule of thumb is if you don’t take time to get to know me and converse with me, you’re most likely too busy staring at my chest and thinking about how early we can go back to the house.  Yea, not happening womanizer (Sorry, I had to quote my girl Queen Britney <3).
2.       Same thing, Same time, Every day.  Unless if your potential man has a severe form of OCD, there should be no reason why they set a schedule for you guys to talk, meet, or text.  It’s a little early for me to label Samzies as a guy just looking for ass, but the only time he texts me is during his lunch break at work.  This seems suspicious to me.  Now, I’m not saying this is a SURE sign, but it is a red flag. There is a way to test this theory.  Try texting him at a different time and see his reaction.  Better yet, try CALLING him at a random time and see if he picks up and what kind of convo you have.  Usually guys who form a “communication schedule” are doing this because their day is filled with numerous girls.  I want to be an all day priority, not a half hour time slot in a packed appointment book.  Don’t be an “I’ll take what I can get girl” because you’ll always end up unhappy in the end, trust me…
3.       Late night meet ups.  There are very few exceptions to this rule.  Unless I am in a committed relationship, I live by this rule.  If a guy first calls you to hang out ANY time after 10pm it is most likely a booty call.  If it is not a booty call, you are a back up date for the girl he really wanted to take out.  While I am all about having fun and doing your thing, I am getting older (23, gasp!!) and I am looking for a serious relationship.  I want a family one day.  Looking for a guy that is relationship material is the only way to get what I am looking for.  Booty calls are NOT wifey material.  So, unless you are on the same page (and by same page I mean that he is Mr. Booty Call and you are Ms. Booty Call) decline this late night get together and suggest that next time he give you a full days notice so you can prepare for your hot date.  If you never hear from him again after that, no worries, he’s just a waste of your time.
4.       The name change.  Ok, everyone messes up.  I’ve slipped up before.  You’ve slipped up before.  You’re boyfriend or girlfriend might have slipped up before.  But can we be honest?  We’ve slipped up calling the person we are with another name because that OTHER person is the one on our mind’s at that moment.  (Don’t lie to yourself…your man called you his ex b/c that’s who he was thinking about at that moment.  Do you not think about your ex ever?  Liar.  I know you do!)  Ok, so we let it slide, ONCE.  If someone is constantly calling you different names, then the man you are with has too many girls on his mind.  If someone is constantly calling you another girl’s name in particular, than he is hooked on someone else.  You are either a rebound to his ex g/f or you are a distraction to get the other girl off his mind.  Either way, you are being used for ONE thing.  Stop answering his calls and move on to someone that is worthy of you.
5.       He’s a bullshit artist.  To master the art of bullshitting means that you are hiding something.  You are a trained liar and you lie for a reason.  (I’ve been bullshitted to about everything: living arrangements, locations, jobs, schooling, personality, values, ethnicity, age, and even what football team they route for.)  Bottom line is this; You are being lied to because that person wants nothing to do with you after you give “it” up.  He doesn’t care if you ever find out that he’s not a doctor or that he’s not related to Lieutenant Dan from Forest Gump (Don’t ask…).  He doesn’t care if you find out that he is a five star bullshitter living a fantasy life because he doesn’t plan on developing any type of relationship with you.  All that he cares about or wants from you is one great night.  Maybe he’ll even pull a “Situation” and call you a cab after..real classy.
6.       His crowd.  If he surrounds himself with potheads, he most likely smokes some Mary Jane.  If he surrounds himself with nerds, he most likely can build his own computer.  If he surrounds himself with gamers, he most likely knows what DIAF stands for.  If he surrounds himself with players, he is most likely a player.  Once again, this isn’t set in stone, but I most definitely will always take a look at who my potential man surrounds himself with.  (Plus, who wants to have to hang out with a crowd they can’t stand?? Bleh, no thank you!!!) So take a quick look if his crowd has a T-Shirt time routine, if they pull robberies in the club, or if they will not even be respectful to a “grenade”.  If that’s who he’s chilling with, that is most likely what he has learned to believe is “ok”.  You want to run far away from that group of people.  Unless, of course, you want the oh so fabulous life of a guidette…

As you can tell, I am NOT fan of the Jersey Shore or the men on the show.  I do think DJPaulyD is smoking hot, but that’s a different story (He re-tweeted me once!! Eep!)  Nice, respectable guy = Friendship = Relationship = a very happy girl that feels respected.  Don’t be a booty call, you’re goods are worth way more than that, I promise!

-LMF

Monday, September 26, 2011

Real Life: Cops & Robbers

Happy Monday to everyone!  Aren’t you all glad to be back to work?  I know I’m not.  There is some SERIOUS drama at my job right now.  Sigh…there is no area of my life that can be drama free lol (I secretly love this.  I would hate to be boring!)  My weekend was interesting as always.  I was very disappointed to discover that it is week 3 in Football land and the Buffalo Bills are leading my division with a 3-0 record.  Pathetic. The Patriots lost to the Bills yesterday was ALMOST as embarrassing as their lost to the Jets in the play offs last season.  (Fun Fact:  As much as I love my Pats, I despise the Jets.)  There was more disappointment on Sunday when I took my baby cousin food shopping.  She was playing with the shopping cart and almost ran over this beautiful man.  He gave me “the look” and said heyyy in a VERY seductive voice.  Before I could respond and snatch up the man I should be marrying, my baby cousin goes “Come on MOM!!” and giggles.  That 8 year old brat just took “the look” and changed into “a look”.  (Now I’m going to die alone in a house full of reptiles.  Fun Fact:  I hate cats.)  While my Sunday was full of disappointment, a lifetime supply of dirty laundry, and Italian Sunday gravy, it was also full of excitement.

Samzies:  Madre’s physical therapist has this son who is my age and recently broke up with his girl friend.  (They ended their 5 year relationship about 4 months ago.  Reboundd??? What do you think?)  He’s ok looking at best, but appears to be a lot of fun.  He seems to be a typical 23 year old guy.  He also works for a very popular radio station.  In an attempt to get LLS off my mind, Madre decided to “hook this up”.  She gives him my name and he looks me up on Facebook.  Anyways, we eventually spoke.  Our convo went like this:  S:  Hey, What’s happening?  L:  Nothing much, what about you?  S:  Samzies  Samzies?? SAMZIES???  What does that even mean?  Who says that?  Now imagine a 23 year old man saying that ridiculous, made up word to your face.  I don’t think I would be able to keep a straight face.  Long story short, he asked me for my number and said we should chill sometime.  I agreed and gave him my digits, but reluctantly.  Is saying “Samzies” a deal breaker?  Maybe I’m just over reacting here…but, really?  Samzies?  Sigh…

LLS#2:  I went home early last night from Sunday gravy to go home and cook some dinners for myself for during the week.  I was going hardcore making roasted garlic potatoes, brussel sprouts, spaghetti squash with fresh sauce & mushrooms when all of a sudden I hear CRASH BANG BOOM!!  I immediately froze.  (My land lords are in Florida until next Tuesday, so I know it wasn’t them.  They also would have told me if someone was stopping by because they are a very respectful, older couple.)  My first thought was: OMG We are getting robbed!!  My second thought:  OMG There is no lock on my door yet to stop people from entering from my land lord’s side of the house.  My third thought:  OMG My phone is about to die.  So I quickly grabbed a VERY large knife, hid between my bed and the wall, and plugged my phone in.  I called daddy; no answer.  I called Madre; no answer.  I called Brother; no answer.  I called nanny; ANSWER!!  HALLELEUIA!!  I told her what happened and explained to her all the banging and booming that I was STILL hearing above me.  She instructed me to call the police.  (Confession:  I also texted LLS.  I needed a man to be on his toes ready to fight for my life at any given second and I KNEW he would be there in half a second if I really needed him.  Sigh...as crazy as he is, he really does care.) So I called the po po and they told me to remain calm and that they would be right there.  Meanwhile, there was still quite a ruckus going on upstairs and I discovered w/ the cops on the phone that there was a suspicious vehicle outside with a crap load of tools in the trunk.  Moments later, (I was still hiding between my bed and the wall with a knife.  Trembling.  Pathetic! Lol) I see a big man with a flash light look into my window up close.  I screamed as loud and as high pitched as I could possibly yell.  I really thought it was the robbers looking in getting ready to murder the witness.  Turns out it was one of the four police officers that came to my rescue.  After they concluded that there was someone inside the house and the land lords confirmed that there should not be someone there, they surrounded the perimeter.  Results:  The land lords wife’s son broke up with his girl friend and didn’t have anywhere to go.  In a drunken mess, he broke into the home and was throwing things everywhere.  Way to scare the ever living day lights out of me.  At this point my phone is blowing up w/ LLS checking up on me, daddy flipping out, and nanny having a mental breakdown.  My aunt is also AT my apartment with me.  LLS#2 goes to my aunt in slurred speech, “I’ll be here for a few days.  Don’t call the cops on me again.  I’m a marine”.  My aunt goes “Well, don’t scare my niece again.  Oh, and I’m a nurse”.  Only me…no, seriously, only me..The psychic was right.  I have been cursed.  Only with psycho LLS syndrome instead. Ug…

-LMF

Friday, September 23, 2011

Hot Sauce & Bahama Mamas

It’s Friday morning!! (WOO HOO!!)  That means two things: 1) I get to wear jeans and a sweatshirt to work.  2) I am still high off my Ian Somerhalder/Damon Salvatore fix from Thursday night’s Vampire Diaries episode.  So, to prolong my high a little longer, here’s a very hot picture to share with all of you.  (mmm, do you see the scruff and those bright blue eyes?? A scruff makes any man just that much sexier. just sayin…)  Enjoy!

What I would do...lol
After a very long night filled with more LLS drama (For the love of God, GO AWAY!!), I’ve been thinking about my “options” and who to have fun with while trying to get Captain Squidward out of my head.  I wasn’t answering LLS’s phone calls or text messages last night, so the genius decides to knock on Mommy#2’s door at 9pm to wail and cry in her living room until she called me for him.  I was FUMING!!  (Mommy#2 is very sick with cancer.  She is being hit with radiation and chemo at the same time.  The LAST thing she needs in her life is my relationship drama.)  He did succeed and get her to call me.  He even got her to invite me over for lunch on Sunday so the three of us could try and sort things out.  Although I told her that she was very sick and that I didn’t want to burden her with my issues, she kept insisting about Sunday saying “but he’s crying...”.  Long story short:  I declined the invitation.  I told her to close the door on him and to leave his wailing ass outside.  I also reminded her of the HELL I was put through the past 4 months and told her to stop letting him manipulate her with his pathetic sobbing.  She later agreed, told me she loved me, and that she would always be there for me.  LLS is the master of manipulation and continues to prove it.

Ok, so enough of me ranting about my horrible evening and back to me thinking about my options:

Blondey:  I’ve mentioned him before.  This is the attractive he-man I have class with every Tuesday and Thursday.  We’ve been talking and I’ve been trying to scout it out.  Last class our assignment was to see if we could recognize a liar (How weird!!  Hence Wednesday’s post…The universe always answers questions we need answers to!)  Anyways, my professor assigned us a group project to demonstrate how hard it is to distinguish the real from the fake.  We had to state four facts about ourselves to our group.  Two facts were to be true and the other two were supposed to be a lie.  We then had to guess which two were true and which two were false.  (Could my professor make it any easier for me to get inside the mind of Blondey??  Love it!)  Ok, this is what I learned:
A)     My sister’s car is faster than mine.  False, his sister only THINKS her car is faster than his.  Hot car?  Sports car? Dodge Challenger?  Ok, so maybe I’m getting carried away, but at least we now know it’s a car he’s proud of!
B)      I am a painter.  True.  The bathroom in my new apartment could use a nice painting.  I might ask him to take a look at it next class..hmmm..
C)    I have a pet chinchilla.  False.  Why would he even think of that?  No comment on this one lol
D)     I love hot sauce.  True.  If you heard the PASSION that exuded from his lungs you would know the true extent of his love for hot sauce.
So now I know that Blondey is into cars, works hard, and was obviously starving and craving something spicy.  How insightful.  (I’m considering going to class, stopping at his desk, letting my hair down, and pouring hot sauce all over myself.  All veryy slloowwwlllyyy.  Just kidding, but seriously, do you think it would work?)

Lawyer:  Last year I would go to the Applebees bar every weekend to sit down and chill with the law student that was bar tending.  Lawyer and I quickly became very friendly.  We exchanged numbers, and became Facebook friends.  We would talk constantly and I would refer to him as “My Bartender”.  He’s not that great looking, but he is not bad looking either.  He sort of looks like a weird hybrid between John Mayer (Yum!) and Jerry Seinfeld.  He’s about 6’4 (Tall!! Just my type for my fidget, 5’ self lol), very nice, and has a funny, sarcastic humor.  He also makes THE best Bahama Mama.  Since he makes it soo good, I refuse to drink one anywhere else.  Since LLS and I broke up publicly, he has been texting and facebook-ing me non stop.  (Facebooking should deff be a real verb.  Tell spell check to get with the times!) He invited me & a group of my friends tonight to sit at the Dave and Busters bar where he promises to make me an amazing Bahama Mama.  (He also questioned me for the THIRD time what happened with LLS.)  The catch:  He recently got a girlfriend.  Sigh..well let’s see where this goes.  I refuse to be the girl that get’s in between a good relationship.  But he’s obv interested, right??

So there you have it.  That’s a quick snapshot of my brain Thursday night:  Annoying LLS, Poor Mommy#2, Sexy Ian Somerhalder, Manly Blondey, and the quirky Lawyer.  Sigh…

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

How to know if you’re dating a cheater:

This past month has been real hard for me.  Trying to move on from LLS when he’s still calling and begging for me back has proven to be a daunting task.  When you break up with someone, you should cut off all ties.  It’s the only way to move on.  (If you’re a strong enough person to keep a friendship with your ex, then kudos to you.  For the past 3 weeks I have received phone calls and text messages from LLS confessing his love for me, swearing he’ll change, and exclaiming his loyalty to me.  I am calling complete and utter BS on this one.  Biff and Sis will be happy to know that I finally did cut of ALL ties from LLS.  Every last one.  I should’ve listened to them from the beginning.  I was only setting myself up for failure and hurt and they were just trying to protect me.

While I have no proof (Nor do I honestly believe) that LLS was or ever would cheat on me, I do know that he is a liar.  Lying leads to hiding stuff which leads to secret late night phone convos which eventually leads to a full on hot, sweaty affair.  How do I know this?  I learned it the hard way from The Greek  (The first guy to ever break my heart, sigh..).  Here is a list of 5 ways to know that you are dating a liar.  Now remember liar = future cheater.

1.       History Repeats Itself.  Ok, now I personally do not have experience with this one.  I’m smart enough to stay away from this sort of situation.  If a guy has cheated on an ex in the past, if he has cheated on you in the past, or if he has lied to you in the past than he will continue to do all these things.  (Everyone knows this, so learn it now so you don’t know it too.  Once a cheater, always a cheater.  I’m not trying to hate, I’m just pointing out the facts because LMF cares!!)  So once again, let’s repeat the golden rule:  Stay away from every man or woman that has a history of lying or cheating.  A liar is a liar and a cheater is a cheater.  You can change someone’s actions but you can’t change someone’s personality.
2.       If they leave their math for a Hooter’s Waitress.  I don’t care if you’re fighting with your man at the time.  I don’t care if it wasn’t your man that physically wrote down the phone number.  I don’t care if your man had any real intentions of her answering her phone call or not.  Point is that it was done and he did nothing to stop it.  Now, let’s be real.  Unless you are dating an A class model with a sexy European accent, the hooter’s waitress is not going to call your man.  (Come on dudes, they get hit on all the time.  What makes your number on a receipt any different from the other 100 they received that day??)  That being said, the REAL SEVERE crime here is that he hid this from you.  He hid it from you because he was afraid you would get mad and because he knows that you would give him some sort of hell for it.  Now dump him.  I did.  (For those you who aren’t aware:  This situation was the final straw to LLS and I.  This was the straw the broke the camels back and made me leave my wailing man-child in his car to cry to his mommy.) Once again, everything escalates.  I don’t care the reason.  If it was done and if he lied about it or hid it from you, your man is a future cheater.  Deal, that’s life.
3.       They are constantly suspicious of you.  If you are getting grilled like a dam criminal several times a day by your boyfriend than YOU should be suspicious of HIM.  (While it’s hot for your man to get a little jealous, us girls DON’T like playing cops and robbers.)  It’s the guilty ones that are always thinking other people are up to no good.  The reason why they are suspicious in the first place is because they are afraid YOU are doing what THEY are doing to you.  Psycho, right?  Well, that’s most men for you.  (Have fun filtering out the good ones..they are usually already taken.)
4.       Exaggerating and lying about the little things.  Did you ever get lied to about something so dumb it left you thinking, what the hell was the point of making up a story to cover THAT??  The Greek and LLS are both guilty of this one.  They would lie or exaggerate about anything and everything.  (The other night LLS says to me, “my mom said hi”.  Ok 1) I know your mom hates my living guts. 2) Your mom is loud, so I think I would’ve heard her say it.  What I did hear was his sister belt out, WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO HER ABOUT MOM SAYING HI?!  SHE WOULD NEVER SAY HI TO HER?!  Awkward…)  Lies about who’s on the phone, what exit they are up to on the parkway, where they are, or whether or not they have eaten dinner yet are dumb BUT THEY ARE STILL LIES.  Once again, a liar = a future cheater.  For the love of God, RUN RUN RUN FAR FAR FAR AWAY!!
5.       They hide stuff from you.  Don’t you love when you find out something that your man should’ve told you face to face from a third party?  Isn’t that your favorite way to find something out?  (If you responded yes to both of those questions, than you get a virtual slap!!) Your man should tell you anything and everything.  I mean you don’t need to know how long they slept for or when they took a dump, but you should know if their ex girlfriend called them and left them a voicemail.  The fact your man hid that from you means that they most likely have had other communication than that voicemail ..Unless it was innocent and you’re just the psycho woman and your man is afraid of the can of woop ass you will open on him!!  Keeping important information from you IS a form of lying.  Do I need to say it again?  Your liar of a boyfriend will eventually become a cheater of a boyfriend.  Plus, do you really want to date someone that’s going to leave you pulling at your hair everyday wondering it what they say is true?

Now you know the signs.  Read them, learn them, and move on past the liar you’re with and find a good man.  They do exist…somewhere.  I know they do, because I have heard of them.  Holy Grail, where art thou?

-LMF

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

BIFF vs THE SOUTH AFRICAN

A fashion blogger that lives in Cape Town, South Africa recently stumbled across my blog.  Her blog was full of pretty clothes and funky accessories so I immediately followed back and wrote a comment about how much I loved her style!  After Google-ing Cape Town and discovering how absolutely gorgeous the city was I fell in love!! (I wish I had all the money in the world to just travel and appreciate earth’s beauty in person instead of through Google.  Sigh…)  I began following South Africans and South Africans began following me. (By “following” I don’t mean physically..I mean befriending on Twitter or subscribing through Google.) The next day, I woke up to my tracker results which recorded over sixty something hits from South Africa.  I couldn’t believe it!!  I was so excited over my modest following that I immediately texted Biff exclaiming “A South African is following me!!”. (I was referring to one twitter buddy in particular that complimented “my writing voice”.)  Within seconds I received a phone call from Biff asking “Where am I?” and “What does he look like?”  Very confused, I responded “Who?”  He yelled back at me “THE SOUTH AFRICAN?!”  hahahahaha Well, I did tell him that I had a South African following me…

1.       How would I know that a random person following me is South African?
2.       I’m very glad that he called to check up on me.  If the time ever comes that I do need rescuing, I now know who to call.
3.       From the look of my new twitter buddies from South Africa, I might not want saving.  They have all been VERY attractive.

That being said, I love my biff.  Years back he saved me from the humiliation of purchasing macaroni and cheese from the high school cafeteria and from sticking my hand in the Snapple machine.  Now he saves me from the psychotic LLS and the South African that wasn’t stalking me.  <3

-LMF

Monday, September 19, 2011

Fall Recipe: Spaghetti Squash

One of my brother’s favorite fall dishes is spaghetti squash.  Every season he begs me to make it for him!  I spent my Sunday night making my favorite brother his favorite dish (I’m such a good sister!!).  It came out so good that I decided to share with you. J  Keep in mind, I NEVER measure ingredients.  I measure by eye and by taste so everything listed below is an estimate.  (Italiano much?)  That being said, have some fun and experiment! 

See, it's the healthier alternative to spaghetti!  Great for us vegans and vegetarians!
Spaghetti Squash:

1 Large Spaghetti Squash

Cheaters Version:
Take a really sharp knife and puncture the squash several times throughout the entire vegetable.  Then place the squash on a microwaveable dish.  Microwave on one side for 8 minutes, turn it around, and then microwave for another 8 minutes.  BE CAREFUL, this sucker is going to be incredibly hot!  Take it out of the microwave and cut in half.  Spoon out the seeds and pulp.  Then with a fork, scrape out the insides so the flesh comes out in spaghetti like texture.  Put the vegetable in a strainer and hold on the side.
Healthy Version:
For those of us severely concerned with the radiation of a microwave (I once dated a guy whose mother didn’t even OWN a microwave.  She was convinced they were a product of the devil and a huge contributor to all the disease in today’s society.  She’s probably right!), preheat your oven to 375 degrees.  Cut the squash in half and bake for about an hour or until the inside is soft.  Keep a close eye on your squash because sometimes they cook much quicker.  Then repeat the same process as above with forking out the insides.

Sauce:

Olive Oil ß Don’t be stingy!!
1 Large Yellow Onion
2 Cloves Garlic
1 Package of Baby Bella Mushrooms  ß Yum!!
1 Can Italian Style Plum Tomatoes
1 Cup Water
½ Can Tomato paste
4 Leaves Fresh Basil
Seasoning ß I throw in whatever I got.  Usually some oregano, parsley, garlic powder, red pepper flakes, salt, and pepper.

Dice the onion and smash the garlic.  In a large skillet heat up about half a cup of olive oil, then brown the onions and garlic.  After about 5 minutes, put the stove on high heat and add the mushrooms.  Cook them until all the water is released from the vegetable and the water is cooked halfway down.  Add all the other ingredients and bring everything to a boil.  Once it is boiled, put the stove on low and let the sauce simmer for about an hour or until the sauce gets thick.

Since the tomatoes are usually in halves or thirds, I serve by putting the squash on the bottom and spooning the sauce on top.  I usually serve with a scoop of ricotta and some parmesan cheese to taste.

Enjoy, it’s delicious!!!!  Let me know how it comes out.

-LMF

Big Rings & Car Crashes

Happy Monday Everyone!!  I knowww, there is a whole new week full of work and school ahead of us, bleh!  Well, to brighten your Monday morning I decided to share with you guys a picture of my favorite tight end, Aaron Hernandez (mmm!  It’s a better morning already!)

#81, omggg drooolll!!  My future husband :)
I spent my weekend on a secret mission to find oversized rings to add to my jewelry collection and crashing my poor little VW New Beetle (We call her the Love Bug.  She’s a cute, little 2007 yellow bug named Susie!)  My mission was a huge success.  I ended up going to a store named Icing where I found 3 new VERY large rings to add to my collection (Obsessed!!).  One is a snake that goes all the way up my ring finger to the knuckle (Fun Fact:  I love reptiles!  My pet repetua includes everything from Iguanas to geckos to snakes!) The other rings that I purchased include a very large, colorful peacock and a pretty spiral ring full of different colored gems ßI’m wearing the spiral one now.  Everyone has their signature fashion statements.  Mine are oversized rings, sunglasses that think they are headbands, and coconut scented everything!  What’s yours?

After my little shopping spree, I decided to head to Madre’s house for the football game (NE Patriots VS Chargers of course!) and some brunch.  On the way there, I decided to answer a text message.  BAD, HORRIBLE IDEA.  DO NOT DO THIS!!!  I looked down to reply and next thing I know, BOOM, I crashed into the car in front of me doing about 45 mph.  Good thing the Love Bug knows how to handle these types of situations, because she just bounced backwards after the impact.  I was shaking.  After the boom, my cell phone flew up into the air and crashed into the wind shield, my whole body flew forward and then snapped back into the seat thanks to my seat belt, and my neck was forced forward.  The worst part was, my hands tightened then removed themselves from the steering wheel.  Then when I flew forward, my hand crashed right into the steering wheel snapping off two of my finger nails.  Ouch!!!  I was lucky enough to say that’s the worst that happened.  There was very little damage to both cars.  Brother fixed my head light by pushing it in and man handling the bumper.  There is some chipped paint on the front bumper and the front of the car is no longer “perfectly” aligned..but the person I hit and I are both alive and uninjured.  My spinal fusion surgery stayed intact after the impact; although my right ribs are so swollen they are protruding!  I don’t think any screws got lose in my back, thank God..no seriously, thank you God!

My Brother was annoyed with me because as he was trying to fix my car, I was trying to fix my nails.  I just got them done the most beautiful shade of purple and was VERY upset to find them destroyed.  I am such a girl.

-LMF

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