Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I'm late for a very important date!!!

Happy November !
Where did October go anyways?

How was everyone's Halloween?  Did you dress up as all sorts of crazy things, go trick or treating, and then pig out on candy?  How lovely for youu...  I worked for 9 hours and then sat in an accounting class until 9 o'clock.  I actually completely forgot that it was a holiday at all.  I met my father at the diner and stopped in shock to see the hostess dressed up as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.  The hostess took forever to seat us and then said "Don't mind me, turtles move slow"...

So this morning my manager sent out a timesheet for all of us to sign.  While I was well aware of the fact that I was tardy for the past couple of days, I was NOT aware that I have been late for over two full weeks.  Sigh, no bueno!!  This got me thinking, what do I do in the morning?  For the love of God, I wake up 2 hours before I need to "clock in".  Well, I could eliminate trying on 10-15 outfits every morning just to end up with the first outfit I put on in the first place.  That could allow me enough time to slip into work right on time.  I also could pick out the shampoo that I plan to use the night before.  That should save me another 5 minutes.  My morning "routine" obviously needs some revamping.

1. Damnuautocorrect.com:  Do you not know this website?  If not, then right after you are done reading this post you must immediately check it out!  It's hysterical!  You know when you are texting and your phone "auto corrects" what you are trying to say?  This is a website full of stories where the autocorrecting when terribly, horribly wrong.  My problem is that I decide to check out the site at 6am when I should be in the shower getting ready for work.  As if the snooze button doesn't delay me enough from getting out of bed...

2. Moisturizer obsession:  (Fun Fact:  I have this abnormal fear of wrinkles and I'm only 23.)  After washing my face with anti-aging coconut papaya soap Yum!, I immediately apply my oil-free moisturizer to my "T" zone.  Once that is good and rubbed in, I bust out my Pro-X formula to moisturize where crows feet would be expected to appear.  I then apply a skin tightening cream to my forehead where those thinking lines will be one day.  I then conclude my ritual by applying generous amounts of St. Ives collagen enhancing cream onto my neck, shoulders, and elbows.  Phew...that's a lot of work!

3. Wanted --> DustBuster:  Every morning I spend a good 30-40 minutes making sure that my hair is pin straight.  This process includes coconut oil, Yucca hair products, a blowdryer, and a hair straightener.  All that work on my hair leaves casualties on the floor.  Its kind of sad to see them just laying there, dead, on the bathroom floor..sigh...  I then spend a good 15 minutes chasing around these single strands of hair so I could toss them away into the garbage pail.  This is a horribly meticulous task that I dread.  A DustBuster would be an AMAZING Christmas present people!  Just sayin...

4.  I egged myself:  While this only happened to me once, it was the cause of me being exceptionally late last Friday.  Every night before I go to bed I hard boil an egg for myself to eat in the morning.  Since I am usually late for work, I peel the egg in advance and then eat it in the car during my commute.  Chomping down on a hard boiled egg like a wolf in my car is a very sexy image, I know...  Last Friday was no exception to my routine.  I jumped in the car, drove a few blocks, and then unwrapped my breakfast from the paper towel I delicately placed it in.  After taking one bite I realized that something was out of the norm.  I looked down at my egg to discover that the yolk was not fully cooked!!!  It was pasty as opposed to flaky.  Bleh, Barf, Gag  I wasn't sure what to do, so I panicked.  My morals disappeared at the sight of the partially cooked egg and I considered littering (Gasp!).  Amidst my hysteria, I decided to throw the egg out of the car window on the passengers side right onto Rt. 109.  This plan would have worked out perfectly if I executed it correctly.  The problem occurred when I threw the egg full force WITHOUT opening the window.  The egg hit the window with a weird smacking sounds leaving an explosion of egg-white gunk dripping down the glass.  Bits and pieces of the yolk shot out into my car like tiny pieces of confetti.  The bulk of the egg bounced off at impact and smacked me right in the head.  It then landed on my car floor.  Ladies and gentleman, I successfully egged myself.  After making use of my emergency moist toilettes, paper towels, and windex that I store in my trunk, I was a whopping 15 minutes late for work!!!  Sigh..at least I had a good excuse...

I vow to work on these four things in attempt to get to work on time.  My goal is to clock in at exactly 8:30 or before for the next 3 days.  Wish me luck!!

What is your morning routine?
Or should I say, How do you get to work on time?
-LMF


19 comments:

  1. I love damnuautocorrect!!
    www.saysskippy.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm not sure many can claim to have egged themselves on the way to work. There should be an award for that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I struggle in the morning too, it's so annoying, I fight getting to work right on time. It's just so hard to get upppp, ugh. That egg story is so gross, hahah. And DYAC is one of my fave sites, it's hilarious.

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  4. hahahaha you egged yourself? hahahahaha Not many can claim that. Bravo! LOL

    Geez you take way way too long..haha..women geez.

    I get up feeds the cats, eat, **it, shave, shower and out the door I go, 25 mins or so.

    ReplyDelete
  5. i shed everywhere, all the time, so i feel ya!
    BTW--I accidentally posted 2 posts in one day, so scroll down for today's real post.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The egging incident is hilarious (as it did not happen to me).

    I think guys have the advantage on getting ready for work; especially us with the shaved head look--no styling necessary.

    ReplyDelete
  7. damnyouautocorrect is hysterical. i love it!

    hilarious that you egged yourself. you seriously have the craziest life.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think you maybe my sisters true sister lol. No worries I know where all your wrinkles are. My forehead is lined like a Sharpie, and lets not even go on, (what I prefer to call crows feet is) laughter lines. I may eventually dissolve in a pool of unfortunate wrinkles but it will be one helluva ride. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Girl, you are too funny! I hate autocorrect, but that site is hilarious. And you egging yourself. I nearly fell out of my chair. Yes, your morning needs re-working. Too many distractions. I try to avoid the tv, radio, etc. Kinda put outfits out for the week. Shower, grab and go! You'll work it out. Great post! :D
    http://sassyuptownchic.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  10. If anyone heard of my morning routine, they would have an anxiety attack.

    I hate auto-correct, sometimes. One time, Mr. A texted me that he was going to eat my mom.

    http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

    ReplyDelete
  11. that's too funny about the egging. i have spit out a moving car window that was moving very fast and it came back and hit me in the face. one learns from these mistakes. i highly doubt you will experience another self egging again. just a hunch:)

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  12. You are too funny LOL! I LOVE hard boiled eggs too :)

    I'm going to check out: Damnuautocorrect.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. When I saw your banner, I had to comment. It really is an attention grabber. Nice layout to your blog, and nice blogging too.
    http://indiantimes-indiantimes.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ok we are a lot alike. Every week I give myself a goal of getting to my desk by 8:30 twice. Never happens. 8:40 is almost as good as 8:30 anyways. ps- I do my eye makeup at work to save time. Whoopsie.

    ReplyDelete
  15. The entire post is hilarious, but I really love it that you egged your own car. My morning routine involves sleeping because I can't find a job. Not working is hard on the wallet but it sure is relaxing. I'm following you and if you're not following me yet, I hope you will.

    Love,
    Lola

    ReplyDelete
  16. I haven't laughed so much in ages. You're so funny! Thinking about you 'egging yourself' is hilarious. I love the way you write, it's really entertaining.

    I usually choose my outfit for work the night before and sometimes when I try it on in the morning, it doesn't look right. So, what I do now is to try it on the night before, to make sure I'm happy with my choice. Just a little tip for you.

    I look forward to your next article :-)

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  17. I think I need to take care of my skin as well as you do - that is dedication!

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  18. You are amazing hahahaha I didn't know that it was actually physically possible to successfully egg yourself. I look so crazy laughing to myself at my laptop haahahahaha lol (litterally)

    ReplyDelete

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