Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Can I get yo' numbaa??

How was everyone's start to a new week?  As joyful as anticipated?  Breathe!  Only 3 more days until the weekend.  We can do it!  My week has been very hectic.  School, work, and maintaining a home has slowly turned me into a zombie.  I plan on dedicating at least half of my weekend to my school work.  One class is supposed to be a bull shit business course, but my professor is psychotic!!!!  (...and by that I mean legit CRAZY!  Don't believe me?  Two weeks ago she made us act out our interpretation of the word "motivation" in front of the ENTIRE class on a stage.  Now do you believe me?)  Thank God for Blondey being in the class.  His cuteness gives me motivation to still attend.  <--See what I did there?

New Obsession Alert:  Sound the sirens, LMF has a new obsession, and it's NOT a guy.  Gasp!  On Sunday my brother was harassing me to tune into a new show called Once Upon a Time.  The name was not familiar to me so I asked him to tell me what the show was about.  He refused to tell me because if he tried to explain the plot then I wouldn't watch the show.  (Talk about horrible sales pitch...)  Since my brother knows me better than anyone, I agreed to watch at least one episode.  Well, Brother was right about two things.  1)  If he told me this show was about fairy tale characters being cursed to the "real" world, I would NOT have taken a second out of my life to watch it.  2)  Despite how silly the background story sounds, this show is AMAZING!! Go watch it, now.  All 3 episodes that already aired are available on hulu.com for free. You're welcome.

Once Upon a Time:  Sunday nights on ABC at 8pm eastern
Madre called me hollering last Friday about Samzies.  (Remember him?  He's the guy that my mom wanted me to go out with last month.  After he replied "Samzies" to a question I asked him, I refused to go out on any dates with him.)  Every Friday night Samzies asks a question on the radio for his listeners to answer.  Madre wanted me to call the radio station and answer his question.  I refused to call in, but the question was a good one.  What is the worst pick up line that you ever used?  Boy do I got some great answers for that question...

1.  Little Rascals:  I was standing near the vending machine at a bowling alley when I noticed a man (and by man I mean someone at least 20 years my elder) holding his hand right under his chin and wiggling his fingers.  Since he was staring RIGHT at me when he was making this strange hand gesture, I asked "What are you doing"?  He responded with "This is the secret code to get into the little rascals playhouse.  Can I get into yours?"  Ummmm...NO!  Creeper...

2.  The Man Who Could See:  One night Sis and I were out at a popular bar watching a UFC fight when we noticed an elf like man approaching us.  Once this man (who most definitely was an elf in a past life) reached our table, he looked at us and exclaimed in a loud, declarative tone "I see you!"  He yelled this statement out as if he had been blind his entire life and he just got the gift of sight.  As Sis's eyes bugged out of her head, she turned to him and said "Excuse me?"  He then replied in an even louder and more matter of fact tone "I see you!  I just wanted to let you know that I can see you!"  As we both sat there dumb founded and speechless, the man interrupted the awkward silence to offer us a drink.  Hey, "I see you" is a hell of a lot better than "I smell you"...hahaha

3.  Sign Language:  When I went out for Halloween 2 weeks ago, a man approached me by covering his entire face with his hand and squeezing his head.  For the love of God, what are you trying to do????  Make your brain pop out of your ears?  It was a very bizarre thing to witness on the dance floor.  After he repeated the same motion 3 times, I asked him if he was alright.  He then informed me that squeezing your face until your skulls pops is American Sign Language for 'you're adorable'.  While I had my suspicions, my girlfriend with a deaf sister and 5 deaf nieces/nephews confirmed that he was completely making this up.  He harassed my girlfriend and I for the duration of the night.  You have NO idea how many times I had to see this strange man squeeze his head.  If you are going to fake a language, make it sexy.  How about a fake French accent instead?  Oui oui!

Even though I have fallen victim to many horrible pick up lines, these three are currently the worst I have lived through.  I've gotten "Is your father a baker?"  Being Italian, I took this question very seriously.  After responding no and informing this stranger that my father owns a dry cleaners and shoe repair, he replied "Your father must be a baker because you are a cutie pie!"  Ummm, barf.  Some are cheesy.  Some you could tell took a while to create.  And some are straight to the point.  I've gotten "Nice shoes.  Wanna f@#*?"  Can't get more straight forward than that!

What horrible pick up line experiences do you have?
Share!  I won't call them into Samzies on the radio.  No worries!

-LMF

23 comments:

  1. LOL. Squeezing his head? SERIOUSLY?!

    PS - I really want to watch Once Upon A Time (I'll DVR it)

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  2. OMG'd! HAHAHA Was the last one forward enough? HAHAHA They are beyond creepy! They have no shame. I don't even know how they made it into the world. LOL I think you handle it very well. I'm interested in that tv show. Will definitely check it out on HULU. Thanks for sharing that!!! :D
    http://sassyuptownchic.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  3. The world is full of strange men, I dunno if it's just to get your attention or they're strange period lol.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and for following. Following you right back ;)

    Cheers,

    Wi
    A Single Girl's Musings

    ReplyDelete
  4. amazing post!!!i'm following you!!!if you like mine, do the same!!
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    ZAGU FACEBOOK PAGE

    ReplyDelete
  5. hahahaha you truly bring out the creepers, that head squeezing one is just soooo stupid, who would even think that would work? Crazy.

    Never watched once upon a time yet, looks interesting though. I usually wait to see if it gets a season 2 before I do though, that way at least I get two seasons before they cancel it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I haven't seen this yet. Ill definitely have to check it out! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow, you attract a lot of weirdos and creepers! At least it amkes for some good stories :)
    www.saysskippy.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. I had a car accident and some guy pulled up and hit on me, but left before the police came because he was on parole. Hmmm.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Luckily I can't remember the bad picks up lines from my life. I think I blocked them out!

    ReplyDelete
  10. okay that rascalls one is SO creeppppy, ewwww. And that's really funny that your Sister witnessed I SEE YOU, yeah buddy... we get it. HAHA about not dating him after "samzies", that's so funny. Reminds me of Trey on SATC- "alrighty!"

    ReplyDelete
  11. Great blog! Thanks for following me. I am following you also. :)

    Have a great day!
    Jas

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh gosh. The bowling guy--run, run, run.

    Heard for me was something like the one that goes: "Did it hurt? You know, when you the angel fell from the sky and landed here."

    But as for read about, it has to be this pick-up strategy that got clueless dude arrested:

    Bad Pick-Up Line .

    ReplyDelete
  13. Best one I've had was when a man approached me and ask if he could ask my daughter a question. I said yes and he bent down and ask if her mommy was married. She said yes and he grinned at me and said
    "It was worth a try." I cracked up laughing. I think pick up lines are hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ummm that little rascals thing made me want to vomit! You poor thing. Barf.

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  15. Sis, you forgot to put the two most important ones! one where the old guy took out his dentures for you and the other crazy old guy wanted to thumb wrestle you lmfao.

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  16. i'm going to have to jump on hulu because i've been meaning to watch once upon a time and always seem to forget!

    ReplyDelete
  17. LOL! Pick-up lines--so hilarious.

    P. S. "Once Upon a Time" sounds awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  18. lmao omg!!!!! the "deaf guy" squeezing his head is the most bizarre thing i have ever heard of! who does that??? lol that is too funny

    i wanted to watch once upon a time but havent been able to! it looks so good and i heard it was good too. now you convinced me :) ima find a way!

    ReplyDelete
  19. i've heard crazy things about what women hear. i went through a phase of 'lines' myself. never pick up lines. more like, um, closer lines:) i just dropped the 'shoes' sentence, basically. don't think too poorly of me:) it wasn't the first thing i said to a women. more like the 200th. for me, that placement seemed much more appropriate.
    :)

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  20. how much does a polar bear weigh?...enough to break the ice ;)

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  21. I recently wrote a post about how much I love "Once Upon A Time." I almost didn't watch it because Jennifer Morrison annoyed me on "How I Met Your Mother." But after the first episode I was hooked.

    ReplyDelete

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