Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Why you so obsessed with me???

Anyone remember Mariah Carey’s short lived hit that was directed towards Eminem?  Well, that’s how I feel right now.  It’s amazing how quickly “dating” someone can turn into a relationship, then into the “L” word, only to fall into a breakup, and then serious a case of stalking.  There is a difference between love and an obsession.  I wish someone warned me that someone can actually become “obsessed” with you and all of the scary consequences that follow.  It’s important to recognize these signs right away because the outcome is unhealthy for both parties.  (I’m about to show my dorky side, watch out!)  Get out of an unhealthy relationship right away before your man or woman turns into Heathcliff from Wurthering Heights.  When Heathcliff found out his “love” had passed away, he dug up her dead corpse and cuddled with her decomposing remains.  This might be a real extreme circumstance, but that’s the sick level that an obsessed lover can be driven to.  (Don’t roll your eyes!  None of you watch CNN?  Poor, unexpecting people get murdered all the time because some sick, deranged lover doesn’t want their “ex” to become involved with anyone else.  It’s serious!)

Here are some sure tell signs that your signification other is beyond in love with you.  They may have crossed the fine line into a serious, unhealthy obsession.

1. Interrogation.  A jealous partner is prone to ask a thousand questions on a daily basis to make sure that you are faithful.  An obsessed partner does nothing else other than ask these obnoxious questions.  (LLS made me feel like a serial killer being questioned by a detective every day.  Even after I begged him to cut it out he would continue.  In fact, asking him to stop made it worse because that’s a “sign that of guilt”!!)  There is a problem when you need to check in every single move you make.  God forbid you don’t text your whereabouts every few minutes.  This is sick and unhealthy.  There needs to be at least a little level of trust in your relationship.  If there is none, maybe you should start to think ‘does this person actually care about me or do they think of me as their property?’

2. Spam calling.  If your significant other is constantly blowing up your cell phone, work phone, e-mail, Facebook, or any other means of communication on a daily basis RUN!!  A spam caller will never change.  (LLS even got me in trouble at work!  I would get SO many phone calls on my direct line that my manager would put my phone on do not disturb.  At the end of the day I would have over 100 voicemails of him accusing me of things I wouldn’t have ever thought of.)  There’s such a thing as a healthy level of communication, but when constant communication becomes mandatory, your relationship just reached an unhealthy mark.  Someone that can’t go 5 seconds without speaking to you is most likely obsessed with you.  The worst part is if you partner is an interrogator because then they will never run out of things to say or call about.

3. Invasion of privacy.  If you turn your back and your man is immediately on the toilet bowl going through your phone, there is a problem.  There is never a need for anyone to sneak peeks at someone else’s phone, computer, or anything.  If you trust the person, ask them right out and hope for a truthful response.  (LLS took it to the point of putting a folding chair at the other side of my door for a camp out.  He would wait for my phone to ring so he could listen to my phone conversations.)  It’s very easy to track someone’s communication with the outside world by hacking into e-mail accounts or other electronic devices.  When someone goes out of their way to hack into your e-mail account to see who you are talking to, they are no longer curious, they are obsessed.  I always tell anyone that I’m involved with: I have nothing to hide.  Anything you want to see, just ask.

All three of these things put together are serious red flags against the person you are with.  These signs tell you that this person might not actually L word you, but they might be obsessed with you.  I would end the relationship right here..and I did.  This is the point where I broke up with LLS.  Unfortunately, if a person is obsessed with you, they will carry out the stalking further.

4. Breaking and entering.  If your ex-partner breaks into your home, call the police.  Don’t make the mistake I made and END the insanity here.  If you really care for a person, it’s easy to mistake this as a misguided act of love.  It is not a desperate action to get their partner back, but a psychotic act that you need to protect yourself from.  (LLS broke into my apartment.  He not only wouldn’t let me leave my apartment once he got in, but he wouldn’t let me have access to my phone to call for help.  While he didn’t physically hurt me, he did restrain me.  This is when I changed my deadbolt locks.  I then moved to a new apartment within a week’s time.)  For someone to risk getting prosecuted for a crime, you might want to second guess their feelings towards you.  Throw “love” out the window and replace it with “psychopathic stalker”.

5. Fake heart attacks.  When someone is obsessed with you they will go to ANY means possible to be able to speak to you even after you made it perfectly clear you want nothing to do with them.  These desperate attempts at communication may include harassing 3rd parties, showing up at your workplace, or even faking a serious illness.  (LLS faked a heart attack 3 weeks ago because I was ignoring him.  At first I recognized his manipulation game and ignored his cries for help.  It wasn’t until I received a confirmation that he was at the hospital did I answer his call.  Turns out he was really sitting in a parking lot, wailing, pretending to be in the middle of cardiac arrest.)  Any type of response to these desperate attempts will do nothing but instigate the person to repeat them.  If you ended the relationship with someone, it is no longer your responsibility to take care of them.  Take the cry for help seriously, but pass it along to someone else that should be helping them, such as a mother or a father.

6. Suicidal threats.  An extreme desperate act to get someone back into their life is to toy with the idea of suicide.  First it will come across as a subtle suggestion that the idea is in existence.  It will eventually escalate into a full on threat and a cut off in communication to lead you to believe the deed has been done.  (For me this was the final straw.  This weekend LLS called me saying that he hooked up with another girl.  When I didn’t care or react to this message, he confessed that he never even talked to another girl.  He said he made up the story to ‘test me to see if I still cared’.  When I failed his test, he threatened to end his life.  This devastated me.)  Don’t allow anything to get this far.  If you do, warn someone close to them of the threats, call the police, and block all forms of communication with this person.  Call your telephone provider and block their number, block them from viewing your page on Facebook, and block them from e-mailing you.  Take each threat seriously.  You never know; someone may be sick enough to do it just so you would never forget them.

These are scary and serious events that could take place.  It’s important to get out of any unhealthy relationship.  It’s even more important to recognize when someone doesn’t actually love you but is obsessed with you.  Once you recognize it, take serious action in preventing them from engaging in any contact with you.  It’s also important to let people around you be aware of these events.  If God forbid this person hurts you or themselves, you want there to be a record of the history.  Don’t be like me and sit with your head in the clouds waiting for things to escalate.  Be strong and put an end to it right away.

Sigh…there are some of us that only attract the crazies and freak shows of the world.  As the sister to LLS said “You will NEVER find another man like my brother!”  For the love of God, I hope not.

-LMF

16 comments:

  1. That last line had me dying with laughter! Oh, you are soooo awesome!!!

    P.S. The fake heart attacks? WTH! I would have flipped out lol :0)

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  2. So true, luckily my crazies went away and my bit of paranioa helped keep them away. But I've seen such a thing and when they say they will kill themselves, put as much distance between you and them as possible. Because at one point they may just snap and do it and take whoever is around with them. So stay far far away from this nut job.

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  3. holy cow! that is seriously crazy!

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  4. oh my..what a cray cray. I hate that saying but its so true. Be careful! I used to get called by my ex over and over but after months of not answering any calls other than people I knew (and not him or blocked numbers) he finally gave up.

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  5. Holy crap- glad you got out of that relationship!!
    www.saysskippy.blogspot.com

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  6. DEFINITELY, it really is all too true and your tell-tale signs are TOTALLY on point. Wuthering Heights was depressing, yes? I wasn't the biggest fan. I'm glad you got out of the thing with your Eminem!! (PS I love that song, still!)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Interesting post, be carefull!Take a look at my blog, and if you like it follow me, I’ll be waiting for you!

    Cosa mi metto???

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh wow you poor thing, can't believe you have had to deal with all this. Some good words of advice, just sorry its from experience.

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  9. I posted something on stalking as well this morning (the accused allegedly called the ex 1,000+ times in 3 months and used a sword to smash windows), but I like your advice better.

    Yeah, I am think the heart attack skit would be immediately worthy of professional psychological help.

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  10. I had one I got a restraining order against and another who kept my hair in a box!! I shed hair all over the place. I think the hair guy scared me more!

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  11. Too true. And it makes for great writing fodder.

    I'm glad I stumbled into your blog today! :)

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  12. It's really important to know these signs. You could probably do a post on abusive behavior too. Many people go through that also. Abuse can be physical and mental! When you're going through this it is not at all funny. It can be scary! Befitting to post this in October! :D
    http://sassyuptownchic.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  13. EEK. Scary stuff. I'm a new follower, not to be confused with stalking :)

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  14. Haha - I like how your list gets more and more extreme. Fake heart attacks?!

    ReplyDelete

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