Sunday, October 23, 2011

LMF: Queen of the Freakshows!

Happy Sunday Funday!!  Well, it wasn't all that fun for me.  The Jets won (boo!), it was my boys bye week, and I couldn't find Aaron Hernandez's real Facebook!  Sigh...cheering on the Pats is my favorite distraction from doing my homework!  The only fun part about this Sunday was watching both my fantasy teams dominate thanks to the amazing pick up of DeMarco Murray on Friday.  He will be a new regular on both of my teams.  Sorry Jacobs!

My weekend was super busy.  It was packed with laundry, errands, family time, friend time, and a lot of midterm studying!!  How was your weekend???

Do you know anyone that no matter what goes in their life doom always lurks around the corner?  You know exactly what I mean!  There are the people who can jump of a cliff and nothing exciting will happen to them.  They will gracefully land on their toes and then move on like nothing ever happened.  Then there are the people that could walk down the street and end up tripping on a rock which makes them fall right onto a stranger that turns out to be Britney Spears who eventually ends up becoming their lesbian lover.  Do you see where I'm going with this?  If you've read my blog before, you know that my life is a never ending soap opera and that I attract all the crazies!  And by crazies, I actually mean stalkers....

BrainDamage:  Almost a year ago, my good friend DramaQueen (I'm the maid of honor to her wedding on 11-11-11.  Eep!!), introduced me to some freak show that we can refer to as BrainDamage.  After a quick hi, bye conversation, I ran away and prayed that I would never be forced to see that guy ever again.  He used the phrase "I'm trying to be funny" after every single thing that he said.  It was beyond obnoxious.  The things he said weren't even remotely humorous.  I missed the part where "how are you" was a knee slapping, hysteria causing joke!  oh wait, it's not!  Anyways, DramaQueen was waking up out of bed when she heard a knock on the door.  Nervous, because she had an unexpected visitor early in the morning, she rushed to the door.  She jumped in surprise to see BrainDamage standing in her doorway.  He let himself inside as he informed her of his secret mission.  His girlfriend broke up with him and now's ready to mingle again.  He remembered meeting me last year (for the love of God, why me?) but he lost my friend's number so he took the 20 minute trip to her house to ask her for my phone number so he can ask me to come over.  She told him that she doesn't give out people's phone numbers, so she dialed my number so he could ask me himself.  As the phone was ringing, she snuck off to brush her teeth.  I answered the phone because I was surprised to be awakened by DramaQueen calling so early.   I groaned a hello only to hear a man yell at the top of his lungs "HI LMF, REMEMBER ME???"  First off, who the hell is me?  Second off, I don't even have a voice yet, stop yelling!!!  When he responded to my question with BrainDamage I almost died.  I quickly hung up the phone and didn't answer any of DramaQueen's calls until the next day.  She thought it was the funniest thing ever!  I think it's the creepiest.  Does he want a friend?  I could give him LLS's address and they could stalk the world together!

Butcher:  After a weekend of stalkers I was ready to just chill out and enjoy my Sunday.  I didn't want to go out and I didn't want to see any of my friends.  I just wanted to relax, spend time with my family, and study.  Brother asked me to go food shopping with him and I agreed because I needed a few things myself.  As Brother and I were walking over to the deli counter to get Madre some sliced roast beef, I recognized the Butcher as a guy I met at a party a few month's back.  He remembered me and we exchanged some cordial small talk.  As Brother and I were walking away, Butcher called me back to utter his full name (Don't ask me what it was because he muttered it so quick that I have no idea what he said!).  He then went on to call me "Mama" and insist that I add him on Facebook so that we could catch up.  Since I was intent on getting home to relax, I agreed and waved goodbye.  A few minutes later, Butcher was taking a stroll down the canned goods aisle and casually brushed my arm to let me know that I have a beautiful smile.  I said thank you and went on my way.  Right now the usually over protective brother is hysterical laughing.  He thought it was the funniest thing that this guy was following me around the grocery store.  haha, real funny!  Thinking that I made it out safely, Brother starts unpacking the shopping cart onto the conveyor belt.  Next thing I know I hear "Hey Mama".  I turned around to see Butcher standing there with his phone to ask me for my phone number.  As if dodging him the first three times wasn't a good enough answer to his request, I had to politely tell him that I wasn't interested.  He then went on to say "You can't get away from me that easy Mama!  I know you'll be back  for more groceries and you can't hide from the deli counter.  One day we'll go out and I'll show you a real good time.  Later Mama!".  Then he walked away.  Who the hell does he keep calling Mama????  I came home to find a Facebook friend request from him.  Deny!!!  

Now do you see what I mean?  I could be huddling in a corner with my back facing the world wearing a paper bag on my head and there will still be some wack job that comes tapping on my shoulder!!  Sigh....

-LMF

16 comments:

  1. Ha - the creepies. It's damn annoying at the time but always makes for funny stories later

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  2. Oh man. Have you got the stories!

    I've enjoyed my weekend, but I am so not ready for the week to start. I'm never ready.

    seven-percentsolution.blogspot.com

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  3. Your weekend sounds exciting. LOL I love the stories and can't wait to see what happens next weekend.

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  4. hahahaha you just made my day, I thought my luck was bad. I think you have me beat. Could try some whiteout over the forehead sign, maybe they'll leave you alone. And Mama? Really? That is just so stupid.

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  5. You started DeMarco this week? Congrats and you should be writing a fantasy football column. I have been laughing at the guy in our league who has been starting for a few weeks now--but after Sunday, I am the one with egg on my face.

    Enjoy your day LMF.

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  6. You are always meeting guys, I swear! Even if some of them are weirdos. And that one guy obviously has a low self esteem and a small one!

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  7. You have by far the craziest boy stories out of anyone I know. You should start compiling a book :)
    www.saysskippy.blogspot.com

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  8. My weekend was tiring and not nearly as exciting. :)

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  9. LOL! Oh man! Sometimes I feel like I attract crazies too. Yesterday I got a love letter from a woman who's been reading my blog . . . A WOMAN!? Seriously, Ahh. Part of me wonders if it's my brother teasing me though.

    As always--I love your blog :)

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  10. Girl, hit DENY and BLOCK! LOL I feel I attract the same thing, only they're fine until 6 mos later. HAHAHA Brain damage is RIGHT! Some people just don't get it, even after being blunt about it. SMH
    http://sassyuptownchic.blogspot.com/

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  11. hahah, SO basically- you're irresistable to men?!?!? CRY ME A RIVER. So kidding, ahha. That is really funny- I love "who's me?!?!", I do think he busted out the 'me' a bit too soon... lawdy. And gosh, those guys at the club that can't take a hint, it's like 'dude- get off'. He probably thought your friend putting your arm around him was just some obstacle to getting to his Princess! Like a moat...

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  12. haha:) attracting the crazies can be very entertaining:)

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  13. Thought id stop by your blog and say hello. Richard from the Amish community of Lebanon,Pa.

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  14. haha! Hilarious. Yes would love to follow each other. Following now! Let me know when you do!

    Summer-Raye

    ReplyDelete

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