Wednesday, October 5, 2011

...and I can't go out with u becauuseee...

I was talking to one of my girlfriend’s at work this morning.  We were engaged in our usual bathroom chit chat while playing with our hair, when a very interesting topic came up.  Whether it’s the first date or a 5 year relationship, it sucks to have to tell a guy that you no longer want to see them.  So how do you pass this bad news along to the poor sap that has been waiting to take you out?  Well, being the mature, 23 year old that I am, I would simply say it how it is and turn the guy down gently.  But, the immature me that has a knack for making things more complicated than it needs to be, would dodge, avoid, ignore, and then come up with a class A excuse.

So let’s be honest here, we’ve ALL made up a wacky story or two about why we had to leave a date or why we couldn’t show up in the first place.  Here’s a list of 4 great excuses that have worked for me in the past, and can probably work for you too.  If you’re lacking in the creativity department, don’t feel funny using my excuses.  Just make sure you let me know how it worked out for you…

1.       Magic Kisses.  When I was dating The Swede, he constantly wanted to hang out with me.  He wanted to do EVERYTHING with me.  Then when we weren’t together, he wanted to talk on the phone.  It was ridiculous.  (Girls like loyal, not clingy.  There’s a difference!  Just sayin…) I wanted a break from my Swedish butt buddy, so I went out to a Hookah bar with my best friends.  I told The Swede that I was very sick and couldn’t see him that night.  To top it off, I also told him that I was too sick to even talk on the phone (he was famous for 2 AM phone calls that had no point) and way too sick to push buttons and text him.  My plan back fired when he showed up at my apartment to give me a “magic kiss” that had “healing powers”.  That next weekend, I was deathly ill with some flu like virus.  Karma much?
2.       Paralyzed with a horrible case of mononucleosis.  Two years ago I was dating a guy that always wore a yellow hat.  He was a great catch with his charming personality, good looks, great job, and family values.  After dating him for a nice while (a while meaning he already met both parents, my brother, and Biff already stalked him out at Ruby Tuesdays to give his seal of approval), I decided that I could no longer stand his disgustingly long nose hairs.  He stood at 6’2 and all that I could see at 5’0 was the inside of his nose.  I couldn’t deal any longer.  All I probably had to do was ask him to trim them a little shorter because they were invisible to the average sized person, but the “let’s make things more complicated” me started dodging his calls and texts.  Finally, he put an end to the dodging and demanded to see me.  So instead of saying “ok, don’t see me and let’s end this”, I decide to pretend that I have a horrible case of mono and couldn’t move.  (I actually texted him the words “Mono, can’t move…”  It was meant to be read in a long, drawn out, dramatic way but apparently my acting skills don’t come out in text.)  I guess after 3 weeks he got bored of his plagued girlfriend and eventually stopped calling me.
3.       Weeding.  This is actually an excuse that my friend and I have used several times.  It all started when my friend, we’ll call her Drama Queen (That name is out of pure love), got asked to be someone’s date to a wedding.  She didn’t want to go so instead of saying no thank you, she told him she had weeding to do that day.  Weeding?!  Really?  Who’s going to believe that?  Well, this sucker did!  She got out of the wedding date and he still calls her to this day.  We went on to use this excuse several more times, and each time we got a good outcome.  (Who knew men have a soft spot for weeds?  Now you know!)
4.       My aunt lost my god son.  I’m probably going to hell for this one, but it was a desperate act during a desperate situation.  I was on a blind date with some guy that looked just like the Wolverine.  Problem is that he spent the entire date talking about his passion in life: making pasta.  (Since when is making pasta is a passion?  He went as far as telling me that last Christmas his mother bought him the super expensive pasta maker he’s been dying for.  Sigh…) As if the pasta making wasn’t a turn off enough, he came to sit at my side of the table in a very packed, very nice restaurant.  He then proceeded to stick his tongue down my throat after only knowing me for about 20 minutes.  BLEH!  I wanted to say, “You’re pasting making self is way too forward and weird for me to sit here for a second longer”, but instead I pretended that my favorite aunt was calling.  Then I started screaming things like “Are you kidding me?!” and “How do you let that happen?!”.  After a good two minutes of that little show, I hung up the phone and explained to him that my aunt lost my god son (My god son was only 3 months old at the time).  I then bolted out of there like I was being chased.  Actually, I was being chased b/c the Wolverine INSISTED on walking me to my car.  The next night, the next day, and then the next week, he called again and again.  He was genuinely concerned.  As desperate as this excuse was, it was probably my most successful!!

Well, now that you know what crazy excuses I’ve made up, share yours!  I’m always looking for new ideas on how to dodge a bad date.  Oh wait, I’m 23 now, I need to be mature and be straight up…no fun in that though!!

-LMF

23 comments:

  1. i've used that i have to babysit my nieces and nephews, and when i confessed to my sister that i use her kids as a an excuse, she told she does the same thing when she needs to get out of stuff.
    weeding is a good one:)

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  2. LOL at all of these!! I have been with my husband since high school so thankfully I have not had to deal with this much but I imagine I'd be horrible at it! I hate conflict of any sort and can barely turn down a job offer, let alone tell someone I don't want to see them!
    www.saysskippy.blogspot.com

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  3. Those are great. When I was younger, I used the ignore them until they went away technique, although I did pretend my roommates were doing drugs to get a date to leave. It worked. My roommates and I never drank, smoke or anything. Lol

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  4. hahaha oh I could write a book on this, horrible luck when it comes to dating..haha Pretty good excuses too. I can usually tell though what might scare them away and use that as an excuse.

    Like my kid is home sick, they run away, even though I have no kid..haha

    My cats don't like visitors worked once as she was more of a dog person.

    Asked one if she was rich because my lifes goal would be to live off her. hahaha that sent her packing.

    Used my cousin as an excuse had to babysit.

    One was a friggin nut job and as clingy as your Swede, would not take the hint no matter which way I swung it. Had to go with the I'm gay excuse to get rid of her. I thought for a second she was almost going to make me prove it. Damn, if it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have none at all..hahahaha

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  5. I'm HORRIBLE at this... horrible, I even bought a book titled (How to Dump A Guy), I just always feel so bad! Shamefully, I try to weed first but always end up with the sad, horrid discussion.

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  6. Haha...this is great!! Thanks for visiting me!! xx

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  7. Haha I had a fun time reading this...will def keep those excuses in mind for the future. Thanks for visiting my site :)

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  8. A few years ago I had a blind date with a man. We arranged to meet outside a popular train station. He told me what he would be wearing so I could easily recognise him.

    My sister decided to give me a lift in her car. I was so excited and couldn't wait to meet this guy. He sounded fantastic on the phone. I had already painted a picture of him in my mind. Tall, dark, handome and a flashy dresser.

    Anyway, the big day came. We drove towards the train station and I spotted him, anxiously looking at his watch, because I was a little late.

    I spotted a man who matched the description of my blind date. He was nothing like I'd imagined. This guy was short, not at all good looking and totally bald. No disrespect to short bald guys. I was so disappointed. I told my sister to keep on driving. I know that was naughty of me, but he just wasn't my type.

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  9. Oh these gave me a serious giggle! I have a million of those too. It's a shame as women we can't just grow a set and say NO WAY! NOT IN THIS LIFE TIME.. Nicely done

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  10. Funny! I've never had to use them though. Now, for college classes, yes I did!

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  11. You mean you weren't _really_ weeding? You lied to me? How could you!

    Oh. Right. That wasn't you. That was the other 99999999 not in my life :-P. Thank god my wife has lousy taste in men! :-).

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  12. Hahaha these are so funny! I totally know what you mean, it can be so simple just to say I'm not interested but I always have to construct some complicated cluster of excuses.

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  13. hahahaha! weeding?! that is the weirdest excuse ever! love it.

    i don't remember any crazy excuses i made up to get out of dates/relationships, but i have been known to be suuuuper bitchy to guys. excuses would be nicer, i'm sure ;)

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  14. I think everybody sucks at letting people down easy - it's just an impossible task, because being rejected always hurts, even if you're not that into the other person!

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  15. Oh my GOSH! This one had me rolling. I hope you know how awesome you are!

    I remember dumping guys for the strangest things. One guy had no neck--seriously--his food went straight from his mouth to his belly. I just couldn't stomach it anymore!

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  16. Love this. Oh dating...such a roller coaster sometimes.

    Awesome blog.

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  17. Wow - I can't say I've ever been this creative...I once spent the majority of a date trying to figure out how to dump this guy I'd been seeing for a few months and he finally said to me "If you don't talk to me, I am just going to go home!" and then he went down the escalator and never talked to me again...

    The weird part was that he didn't say anything to me either during our date.

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  18. Hahah...your 'magic kisses' story is TOO funny! And so true... girls don't like clingy!! xox

    I just became your newest follower! I would love for you to visit my blog & follow back if you'd like.

    Also, check out my giveaway for a Missoni for Target hat! :)

    Blessings,
    Kat
    www.maryanddyer.blogspot.com

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  19. Your list cracked me up. I am thinking #4 is like use only as a last last last resort.

    I was likely always on the receiving end of these tatics so I don't have any of my own stories and probably should just take notes...

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  20. This was so funny I'm definitely following you. Hmm...I've been dating the same guy for the past 8 years but sometimes if I want to get out of casual lunches with guy friends I tell them something suddenly came up with my sister and I have to take care of my niece. Yup that's my best excuse...hey it works.

    xo erica
    seaofbloomingdreams.blogspot.com

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  21. ok this is pretty freaking hilarious actually!!!! i usually just tell someone im already dating someone and then dont add them on facebook so they see otherwise...but these are truly creative!!! have a great weekend girl!

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