Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

How to know if you’re dating a cheater:

This past month has been real hard for me.  Trying to move on from LLS when he’s still calling and begging for me back has proven to be a daunting task.  When you break up with someone, you should cut off all ties.  It’s the only way to move on.  (If you’re a strong enough person to keep a friendship with your ex, then kudos to you.  For the past 3 weeks I have received phone calls and text messages from LLS confessing his love for me, swearing he’ll change, and exclaiming his loyalty to me.  I am calling complete and utter BS on this one.  Biff and Sis will be happy to know that I finally did cut of ALL ties from LLS.  Every last one.  I should’ve listened to them from the beginning.  I was only setting myself up for failure and hurt and they were just trying to protect me.

While I have no proof (Nor do I honestly believe) that LLS was or ever would cheat on me, I do know that he is a liar.  Lying leads to hiding stuff which leads to secret late night phone convos which eventually leads to a full on hot, sweaty affair.  How do I know this?  I learned it the hard way from The Greek  (The first guy to ever break my heart, sigh..).  Here is a list of 5 ways to know that you are dating a liar.  Now remember liar = future cheater.

1.       History Repeats Itself.  Ok, now I personally do not have experience with this one.  I’m smart enough to stay away from this sort of situation.  If a guy has cheated on an ex in the past, if he has cheated on you in the past, or if he has lied to you in the past than he will continue to do all these things.  (Everyone knows this, so learn it now so you don’t know it too.  Once a cheater, always a cheater.  I’m not trying to hate, I’m just pointing out the facts because LMF cares!!)  So once again, let’s repeat the golden rule:  Stay away from every man or woman that has a history of lying or cheating.  A liar is a liar and a cheater is a cheater.  You can change someone’s actions but you can’t change someone’s personality.
2.       If they leave their math for a Hooter’s Waitress.  I don’t care if you’re fighting with your man at the time.  I don’t care if it wasn’t your man that physically wrote down the phone number.  I don’t care if your man had any real intentions of her answering her phone call or not.  Point is that it was done and he did nothing to stop it.  Now, let’s be real.  Unless you are dating an A class model with a sexy European accent, the hooter’s waitress is not going to call your man.  (Come on dudes, they get hit on all the time.  What makes your number on a receipt any different from the other 100 they received that day??)  That being said, the REAL SEVERE crime here is that he hid this from you.  He hid it from you because he was afraid you would get mad and because he knows that you would give him some sort of hell for it.  Now dump him.  I did.  (For those you who aren’t aware:  This situation was the final straw to LLS and I.  This was the straw the broke the camels back and made me leave my wailing man-child in his car to cry to his mommy.) Once again, everything escalates.  I don’t care the reason.  If it was done and if he lied about it or hid it from you, your man is a future cheater.  Deal, that’s life.
3.       They are constantly suspicious of you.  If you are getting grilled like a dam criminal several times a day by your boyfriend than YOU should be suspicious of HIM.  (While it’s hot for your man to get a little jealous, us girls DON’T like playing cops and robbers.)  It’s the guilty ones that are always thinking other people are up to no good.  The reason why they are suspicious in the first place is because they are afraid YOU are doing what THEY are doing to you.  Psycho, right?  Well, that’s most men for you.  (Have fun filtering out the good ones..they are usually already taken.)
4.       Exaggerating and lying about the little things.  Did you ever get lied to about something so dumb it left you thinking, what the hell was the point of making up a story to cover THAT??  The Greek and LLS are both guilty of this one.  They would lie or exaggerate about anything and everything.  (The other night LLS says to me, “my mom said hi”.  Ok 1) I know your mom hates my living guts. 2) Your mom is loud, so I think I would’ve heard her say it.  What I did hear was his sister belt out, WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO HER ABOUT MOM SAYING HI?!  SHE WOULD NEVER SAY HI TO HER?!  Awkward…)  Lies about who’s on the phone, what exit they are up to on the parkway, where they are, or whether or not they have eaten dinner yet are dumb BUT THEY ARE STILL LIES.  Once again, a liar = a future cheater.  For the love of God, RUN RUN RUN FAR FAR FAR AWAY!!
5.       They hide stuff from you.  Don’t you love when you find out something that your man should’ve told you face to face from a third party?  Isn’t that your favorite way to find something out?  (If you responded yes to both of those questions, than you get a virtual slap!!) Your man should tell you anything and everything.  I mean you don’t need to know how long they slept for or when they took a dump, but you should know if their ex girlfriend called them and left them a voicemail.  The fact your man hid that from you means that they most likely have had other communication than that voicemail ..Unless it was innocent and you’re just the psycho woman and your man is afraid of the can of woop ass you will open on him!!  Keeping important information from you IS a form of lying.  Do I need to say it again?  Your liar of a boyfriend will eventually become a cheater of a boyfriend.  Plus, do you really want to date someone that’s going to leave you pulling at your hair everyday wondering it what they say is true?

Now you know the signs.  Read them, learn them, and move on past the liar you’re with and find a good man.  They do exist…somewhere.  I know they do, because I have heard of them.  Holy Grail, where art thou?

-LMF

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